If it ain't fixed, break it again

Mitch McConnell - conservatism won vs. change

When America last voted in 2012, Obama was confirmed, and the Democratic lead in the Senate strengthened, but the gap in the House of Representatives only reduced from 193/242 to 201/234, allowing the GOP to maintain its campaign of sabotage in D.C.. Since the POTUS kindly obliged by self-destructing, the Reps are not only back to 241/191 at the House, but also holding a large majority at the Senate. Even if Barack won't let them totally destroy Obamacare, they can do pretty much as they like. 

And go at Hillary's throat. 

If Clinton's popularity erodes further over 2015, a real Plan B could emerge. Someone more likely to succeed than Joe Biden, who doesn't stand a chance - and not only because he's 5 years older than HRC. And preferably someone more consensual than Elizabeth Warren, who said she wouldn't run against the Obvious Candidate, but wouldn't mind being the Obivous One.

Arkansas goes to GOP. Not to Hillary Clinton 2016 - 20141105
twitter.com/stephanemot/status/529808582347198464

Right now, the GOP enjoys a much wider choice of candidates. Of course we'll see Rand Paul and a bunch of new nutties in the great Sarah Palin - Herman Cain tradition. Plus a 2016 version of Jon Huntsman, maybe Rob Portman. This time, if a fresh new face prevails, we may not get an out-of-the-blue Veep Pick.
Among the favorites:
- Chris Christie: the heaviest of the heavyweights, but only literally, and if he returns from his "bridge to you know where"
- Jeb Bush: probably too late for him, too early for George P. Bush
- Pick Your Latino: Ted Cruz a bit boring, but Marco Rubio's place on the ticket is not anymore guaranteed.

Anyway, today, neither America nor the GOP are fixed, and the latter needs to prove it can do something positive to the former.

blogules 2014
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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Happy New Year 2014

For the 6th time in a row*, I can only wish you a happy next next year considering what's going to happen in 2013:

January 2013:

Barack Obama's second inauguration is held on the ruins of the US Capitol. The President's first decree prolongs Guantanamo for 9876 years, the term arsonist Grover Norquist will serve there.

February 2013:

Bashar al Assad eventually decides to use Weapons of Mass Destruction against the people of Syria, nominating Glenn Beck as Minister of Interior and Karl Rove as Minister of Information.

March 2013:

PSY's "Gangnam Style" video smashes the 8 billion views mark on YouTube. Floridan Democrats demand a recount.

April 2013:

To replace Supreme Justice Ruth Ginsburg, Joe Biden suggests Sarah Palin, saying that it could help solve the gridlock and find a way out of the Fiscal Abyss. The POTUS toys with the idea before refusing: "you don't kill two hummingbirds with one boulder, and her "gotcha justice" concept spells like bad karma".

May 2013:

Accused of cooking books (and not only the Qran), the Vatican is placed under Chapter 11, Verse 7. In other words: under the Republican Party umbrella ('Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech').

June 2013:

Kate Middleton gives birth to twin boys who, unfortunately, share their father's baldness, their grandfather's ears, and their great-grandmother's color blindness. 40 year later, they will fight to death over who got delivered first.

July 2013:

Croatia officially joins the European Union. And vice versa, since all other members have left. Turkey joins soon after claiming the organization of the 2020 Summer Olympics.

August 2013:

A small step for man, a Great Leap Forward for China. The nation celebrates its first moon landing by inviting America to play a go game there, starting with a big red stone crushing the US flag planted decades earlier.

September 2013:

Hurricane Christie slams the East Coast. The Capital city is moved to the West Virginian Islands.

October 2013:

Rush Limbaugh's impeccable fastbawl sends the Washington Dodgers to the World Series, but the team refuses to play the 99ers until they pledge to the same GOP pennant.

November 2013:

Eight hundred and seventy one bridges collapse across Japan on a sunny, tsunami-free, earthquake-free afternoon. Japan replaces its corrupt extreme-right Prime Minister with another corrupt extreme-right Prime Minister.

December 2013:

Hurricane Hillary lands in the Midwest, causing an early Iowa Caucussion.


blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011)... and in French: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012).

Romney's big night? A bitter sleeping pill

At long last! Surviving three long days of 2012 RNC on FoxNews was already a challenge, but this last one... To tell you the level of torture: even Dick Cheney skipped it, and only "Turd Blossom" Karl Rove seemed to enjoy the stench.

Consider this:

- The moto of the day: painting Obama as Carter, Romney as Reagan. But on this RNC propaganda video of Reagan, you see the difference with Romney. Romney's name may start the same way as Reagan's, all you can see is the rhyme with money.

- Newt and Callista Gingrich reciting a soulless script with the enthusiasm of Christopher Lee snoring in his coffin.

- Jeb Bush talked about a better, fairer education system for America, and in the same breath invited on stage Sean Duffy, a teacher who judges other teachers, and qualifies them as "good" or "bad". Jeb's ideas may sound nice, his vision of "higher learning" ended up in ballot fixing, and the "equal access" he's been promoting the most efficiently is the equal access to guns. When Jeb Bush makes a comparison between diversity in milk and education, he lists 'milk that doesn't even have milk in it': I presume he wants to see Intelligent Design taught in school, that's 'pseudo-science that doesn't even have science in it'.

- After that? Rick Perry spinning weather vane Romney: oops, a whirlwind of insHannity.

- US Olympians worshipping Saint Mitt, He Who Saved the IOC. Next thing we know: Romney will be walking on water (flic, floc, flip, flop). Only on FoxNews: "It doesn't get any more American than that" (Nikki Haley about US Olympians). Eluding taxes in the Cayman Islands maybe?

- Saint Sarah Palin playing the 2008 martyr of unfair attacks by the Democrats. The Palinism of the day? "Reverse discrimination stuff", about these Dems who shamelessly display African-American or Latino speakers during their conventions for electoral purposes (indeed, no decent GOP member would ever consider such an infamy).

- Sean Hannity mentioning "false narrative". Not about the 2012 Republican National Convention, but about the Democratic campaigns unveiling the true Mitt Romney.

- A video of Mitt Romney talking about his dad. "He was immovable". Obviously the quality skipped the next generation. The only moving moment was the testimony of people who were visited by Mitt when they were in despair, but that's only a sign of good marketing know-how from a profesionnal missionary.

- Clint Eastwood tried to make Romney's day, and instead made an embarrassment of himself. His apparition had something reaganesque to it: after all, Clint brought the only star power this dullest convention in ages would ever see. But he struggled with words, remembering only a few good punchlines in an inarticulate and confuse speech. Someone had to remind him to mention Romney. Clint refused, before realizing where he was. He eventually fired "a businessman, a stellar businessman", and "let'im go". Let'im go, really. Someone, have mercy: bring a wheelchair for poor ole Clint. Please.

- After that, we had to watch Marco Rubio deliver his address to a bay of P.I.G.s. Maybe this young man needs to learn that the USA are supposed to be a democracy, not a theocracy. Rubio pitched Romney so poorly the old man reached first base before he even threw the ball. - It was supposed to be his day, and Mitt Romney stretched his apparition to the fullest as well as to the foolest. His handshaking session across the floor was an embarrassing scene where a jimcarreyshy Tin Woodman struggled to make natural contact with actual human beings. This guy's obviously not used to shaking hands without signing a contract right after.

- After robotting his way up the Calvary, Mitt read his prompt with a body language that screamed "get me out of here". Progressively, the carfully crafted script almost brought some humanity, and even actual emotion on this deadpan comedian's face, but he had to deliver at that precise moment his ultraconservative vision of women as mere mothers and housewives. Right there, Mitt lost for good the votes of independent women. Who needs a POTUS stuck in the 1950s with a vision from the XIXth century? Romney's speech was only inspiring to Bain Capital owners. It was so boring I felt like turning off the TV, until I remembered this guy was already completely disconnected.

- In the end, Mitt Romney was rescued by a sea of fellow helium balloons on stage. Paul Ryan threw in a couple of tea bags before both perfect families reunited in the usual final tableau.

Hey, Republicans, sorry to tell you that but this is not a remake of Carter-Reagan, folks: you're in for Obama-Biden vs Bob Dole-Dan Quayle, and for Obama 2012 vs Romney 1812.

blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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* see "Total Un-Recall: RNC 2012 In Denial, Welcome to Tampa, FL (Fantasy Land)", followed by "Lies, damned lies, and RNCs"

Attack of the GOP First Lady Wannabe clones

Ann Romney, Callista Gingrich, Cindy McCain, Sarah McCain, Condoleeza Bush... and I spared you Elizabeth Dole.

blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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Between balance and Ryan, Romney made his choice

Ever since Bush-Cheney-Rove destroyed the GOP from the inside, the party has lost its compass. And I've said it again, again, and again: if you're Republican, if you love your country, and if you like your party, fix the GOP before causing more damage to both*.

Until that happens, you're doomed, and bound to witness comical suicidal dashes every four years: a somewhat moderatish loser emerges from zooesques Primaries, but to achieve that he has to do things that negate his own self, and ultimately to pick a lunatic that suits the radical flavor of the month.

Four years ago, when theocons were setting the agenda, John McCain had to pay a visit to the infamous Discovery Institute and to select an ayatollah as a running mate to receive the official blessing from his old nemeses Dubya and Rove.

This time, with Tea Partiers the leading cult, Mitt Romney had to euthanize Romneycare, and to put a fiscal taliban on his ticket.

Like Palin, Ryan embodies the negation of America as a republic and as a democracy. Both politicians have a vision of politics that negates the "polis" itself, and ineluctably lead to the destruction of America as an ideal of nation.

Unless the whole country has become crazy, this sick Mitt Romney - Paul Ryan joke simply cannot go all the way to the White House.

Just like I said in 2004, just like I repeated in 2008, this GOP is bound to lose: either the elections, or its very soul.

Wake up.

blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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* "Grand Old Parting: fix your party before causing more damage to your country"

Bawling for Columbine

"Bawling for Columbine: if you plan to go to a mall or a movie theater, check the NRA forecast first (Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, or any other hatemonger will do)."

One more tragedy, this time in Aurora, CO. Even if the Rush-Aurora connection is less direct than the Sarah-Tucson one (Limbaugh ranted at the Bane-Bain villain in the latest Batman movie, Palin at Gabrielle Giffords herself), gun control - or lack of - remain the issue.

Gun control is to weapons what democracy is to politics. The NRA imposture is undermining democracy.

(20120722 UPDATE)

Join the Brady Campaign petition to demand Congress stop arming dangerous people: http://www.bradycampaign.org/dangerouspeople

blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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I, RomnBot (Meet Mitt)

Another exclusive interview from our Agence Fausse Presse: former Massachusetts Governor Willard Mitt Romney.

Blogules: "Thank you for having us today, Governor. Wow. What a great smile."

Mitt Romney: "You know, I'm 65, but I look 55, and soon I'll be 45. The 45th POTUS, that is. I found out the best way of keeping fit was to spend time and money."

-"As long as it's just my time and your money, I can join you for a little while... Did you expect the primaries to last that long?"

-"First, they're far from over: Rick has left the race, but Newt and Ron will keep piling up as many delegates as they can until the Convention, and even as we speak, voters are casting ballots for Herman Cain. Second, from the start, these primaries were meant to last, and the Republican Party optimized the process to make the show as entertaining as Obama-Clinton '08."

-"It sure has been entertaining, but instead of building momentum around the best Presidential candidates, your show is exposing on prime time a bunch of morons struggling for the survival of the most unfit for the job."

-"Precisely. It was meant as a clear religious statement."

-"Uh. I said 'morons', not 'mormons'."

-"I know you said that. I was referring to the "survival of the most unfit" part: we're finally proving Darwin wrong. Actually, our primary process is so smart it should be considered a perfect example of intelligent design."

-"I see you're already shamelessly hustling up creationists... But you do believe in the survival of the fittest, don't you? You, ever the good capitalist..."

-"Yeah, yeah, Romney's the name, money the game. But it's not a matter of fitness. Only a question of timing. Of understanding the music of money."

-"And what kind of music would that be?"

-"I don't give a grand. What matters is the timing, the moment when the music stops, just like when you play musical chairs. The aim of the game is to pass the buck before that moment, to get rid of all the junk, to collect the $200 M, to build a hotel in the Caymans, and never, ever, to go to jail. That's where all the Mormons go."

-"The morons. Morons belong to prisons. You said 'Mormons'."

-"I know I said that. Morons go to jail, but we Mormons do have a thing for the Cayman Islands. Salt Lake City is so far from everywhere anyway, and it's so quick with our private jets. Since we have three Beechcraft‎s, four Cessnas, two UTCs, five Lockheed Martins, and a couple of Boeings, I don't need to pass by home after work to pick up Ann and the kids. Each one brings their own set of Vuitton trunks, and I take care of the dog. Strapped to the roof, as usual."

-"To the roof of the jet as well?!?"

-"Seamus always relieves himself during takeoff. I never even considered bringing him in."

-"May I ask something: have you ever considered trying to be likeable?"

-"Look. I'm trying to be electable, and that's already something difficult for me. Not running risks, maintaining Chinese walls, keeping emotions out of the scope, milking the cow... That's the way I like it."

-"Indeed, you never quite left the BCG... And by the way, you must be toying with matrices and consulting a lot for the future Veep. Any hint regarding your running mate?"

-"The vetting has started, yes."

-"Let me guess... You need someone to compensate your weak points: a Republican identified as such by all sub-currents of your nuthouse, preferably an icon for fundies and Tea Partiers, a woman, with charisma, some sense of humor, an aversion for boredom, and an open bar at Fox News. But I don't see Sarah Palin don a white shirt and a black necktie to promote the Book of Mitt at your side. And she won't help for key demographics..."

-"Sarah refused: she's planning a coup for the Convention. Susana Martinez would do a perfect Biden-buster, but she used to be a Democrat."

-"So did Reagan."

-"Yeah, but I'm already OK with Reaganians. The thing is, I have to cope with various breeds of loonies who want me to marry Marco Rubio, or to have some kind of zealot one Huckabeat away from Presidency... I'd feel so more comfortable with a running mate as boring as Paul Ryan."

-"Another 'moderate' on the Gingrich-Limbaugh scale..."

-"I'm not a moderate. I'd think and say whatever you'd like me to think and say to win that race. I've been programmed to win races."

-"Sometimes, you almost sound like a robot."

-"Because I am a robot. I wasn't built in Motor City by accident. And I wanted GM and co to file for bankruptcy in order to get all the patents for a song. Picture that: an armitt of Romneys roaming the World. Without any purpose whatsoever."

-"Except, maybe, to convert everybody to Moronism?"

blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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Six Buffoons in Search of a Kingmaker

It takes a looney to know one: Palin just endorsed Gingrich.

And the only sane person in this nuthouse dropped out of the GOP race (not Stephen Colbert, the other one: Jon Huntsman*).

Which leaves us with 6 people: Romney, Gingrich, Paul, Santorum, Perry, and the future Guest Star.

Who knows from which asylum the nominee shall vet his Veep? And how about a third candidate? Say, from the INETP (INdependent Evangelical Tea Partisans), or from Sarah Palin's LGBT party**?

You know what's missing for GOP candidates this year?

Let me rephrase it: you know who's missing for GOP candidates this year?

Rupert Murdoch.

The Great Kingmaker is out of the race. Posing as a bald monk meditating on some distant hill, chain-twitting pearls of wisdom, but cut off from all wordly matters. Maybe a few eavesdroppings now and then - you can't kick the habit that easily.

Anyway, at Fox News, the whole crew seems to be running headless. Even Theocons need a Qibla.

Ideology-wise, surviving members of the nuthouse can only agree on their greatest common divisors:

1) They want to kick Obama out. On the grounds that...
... the guy's a sissy (he won a Nobel Peace Prize, only used two choppers to kill Osama, and didn't even invade Libya to get Qaddafi)
... he's screaming at oil diggers as soon as they spill a bucket or two in the Gulf
... he's a divisive figure: our dear GOP has never been so divided
... he was not even born in the United States of Amerika, and, for the Grand Wizard's sake, the place is called The WHITE House for a reason, duntcha think?

2) They want to Restore Amerikan Honor. In other words...
... restore the great Amerikan values (teaching creationism at school, and waterboarding at West Point),
... restore the sound economy of 2008
... restore budget orthodoxy by removing all taxes and launching an illegal war
... invest less on schools (to prevent the Steve Jobs of tomorrow from happening), and remove all regulations (to create a land of opportunities for the Kenneth Lays, Bernie Ebberses, and Bernie Maddoffs of tomorrow)

Six buffoons in search of a Kingmaker...

blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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* who, eventually, didn't get a ticket to ride all the way to Florida (see "Grand Old Parting: fix your party before causing more damage to your country")
** see "Mid-Term Elections : Sarah Palin to run in West Dakota"

Newt Gingrich enters McCainistan

How low can GOP candidates go to get the nomination?

Four years ago, John McCain set a record by selling his soul to fundamentalists: a visit to the Discovery Institute (a creationist joint) before the primaries, an ayatollah with lipstick as a running mate (Sarah Palin). Even Fundamentalist in Chief Dubya had to give his nod to his former rival.

Newt Gingrich scattered the crass ceiling in an interview to the Jewish Channel by referring to Palestinians as "an invented Palestinian people"*.

As ludicrous as his depiction of Netanyahu's dystopia as "a civilian democracy that obeys the rule of law".

What next The Grich: picking Billy Graham as VP? recruiting armies of Timothy McVeighs to reduce the number of civil servants?

What's the point of winning the favors of AIPAC if he loses the rest ?

Does this man really think the "invented American people" will vote for him?

blogules 2011

* see "Newt Gingrich: Palestinians are 'an invented' people [video]" (LA Times 20111209)

Grand Old Parting - enter the anticons

Just a few months left before the NH kickoff, but the Republican primaries have already entertained us with series of debates and debacles.

Among the "quitters", Sarah Palin refused to follow Segolene Royal in a doomed candidacy (the French diva who rocked the 2007 presidential elections claimed only 7% of the votes in the first round of the Socialist primaries). Tim Pawlenty illustrated the Peter Principle by exposing his incompetence as early as he postulated for the job. Donald Trump made us laugh with his usual roaring 80s / toupee in fire routine. Chris Christie didn't even try to run - the New Jersey heavyweight will have to find other ways of getting fit.

Among the "no shows", Bobby Jindal or Charlie Crist seem to focus on 2016... or poised to become "has-beens that never were".

Among the "Tea Partiers", Michele Bachmann is the most likely to cause durable damage withing GOP ranks. Libertarian in Chief Ron Paul (I won't even mention Gary Johnson) cannot rise as high as MB in the polls, and he will not try a Ross Perot diversion.

Yet, letting Tea Partiers run by themselves would be the smart choice for Republicans. As we all know, the Grand Old Party never recovered from the 2004 implosion (see "GOP: time to split"), and those paleocon-neocon-theocon divisions have been amplified by the emergence of yet another torpedo, the Tea Party.

I'd rather call these guys "anticons": the Tea Party is not just an alternative to the Republican or the Democratic parties, but the very negation of the republic, the very negation of democracy. The Tea Party refuses the balance of powers, of rights and duties that forge modern democracies. Make no mistake: if this imposture claims a revival of founding principles, it ultimately seeks their destruction. And Michelle Bachmann should never be allowed to break that fragile glass floor.

What does it leave us as we speak ? Newt Gingrich ? Come on ! Rick Santorum ? That man would sign a pledge of allegiance to the Devil to get nominated. Rick Perry ? An empty shell, a Dubya clone lacking his model's conviction and clutches (Karl Rove, Dick Cheney).

Mitt Romney has tried everything he could save visiting the Discovery Institute (he changed his mind on liberal reforms, and pledged to nominate judges that would revoke Roe v. Wade, but doesn't condone creationism yet). Even though, the mormon label remains a drag.

Herman Cain seems to propose the impossible synthesis between conservatism and teapartism (a populist 9-9-9 tax plan that only flies in polls), and the African American from Georgia could challenge Obama with his corporate background (even Mitt Romney struggles against this former CEO and Federal Reserve Banker).

For the moment, the most sustainable candidate seems doomed : Jon Huntsman has decided to take the high road, the closest thing to a dead-end for a GOP candidate nowadays.

blogules 2011

Reaganomania, Reaganomics, Reaganomy, Reaganaming, Reagan Legacies, and Mount Palin

Ronald Wilson Reagan turned 100 and the GOP barnum celebrated as ridiculously as expected.

Ever the media darling, Sarah Palin took the stage, embarrassed herself, and even received a few comments from Ronald Reagan afterwards. That would be Ron Reagan, Ronald Prescott Reagan, son of RWR and Nancy Reagan... a young lad closer to the liberals, just like his own dad in his own younger years. So what did RPR say ? "Sarah Palin is a soap opera, basically. She's doing mostly what she does to make money and keep her name in the news". Touche.

Otherwise, the disunited GOP exposed two Reagan Legacy entities : a "Reagan Legacy Foundation" focused on Ronald Reagan the man, and a "Reagan Legacy Project" focused on Ronald Reagan the post-Ronald-Reagan myth. The RLF is headed by Michael Reagan (another son of RWR, but before Nancy), the RRLP by ever the caricatural Grover Norquist, the man behind "Americans for Tax Reform" and the heckuva storyteller who wants to sum up The Great Man by his hatred of government.

Mr Norquist wants every county from every state to name something substantial after RWR. In other words, dear taxpayers, this ultimate libertarian wants to make as many big bangs as possible with your bucks. The mother of all his projects is to rename a Nevada mountain "Mount Reagan". Note that New Hampshire did that first, but NH is not GOP-macho-cowboy enough for the picture.

Next thing you know, Grover will demand a posthumous Nobel Peace Prize for Reagan. Probably for his great peace efforts in Central America.

OK. He'd rather point out his greatest achievement : ending the Soviet era. Nevermind the fact that Gorby did that : Ron's biggest legacy was to help reformers gain some openings in the Soviet Union. The TV cowboy outlived so many old farts, that they eventually decided to nominate Michail Sergeyevich Gorbachev, the actual reformer in non-revisionist history books.

In 2064, some Tea Party survivor may lobby in favor of a Mount Palin, named after the early XXIst Century celeb who once ran for Veep.

I suggest Wasilla Little League's baseball mound.

blogules 2011

And now for something completely different

"It’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we’re talking with each other in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds".

With this, President Obama could let Sarah Palin drown in her own blood libelling pool if he weren't a truly compassionate leader : "we cannot do is use this tragedy as one more occasion to turn on each other".

From Tucson, AZ to Tunis now: the great people of Tunisia managed to push dictator Zine El Abidine Ben Ali and his Trabelsi clique out. But some of their thugs remain loose on the street, and at the other end of the hate line, fundamentalists are more than ever eager to wedge their ways into the country. They obviously were not invited at the table for the national unity government : the unity they seek doesn't quite fit the democratic agenda.

From Tunis to Juba: here, the democratic agenda is set and a new country is about to emerge from the referendum. Complete with controversial borders, and strategic pipelines, Southern Sudan is also the perfect target for hatemongers.

From Tunis and Juba to Abidjan: these days, Laurent Gbagbo is probably paying some attention to what's happening in other African countries. To the Ben Ali scenario, I'm sure he'd prefer to see Ivory Coast split in two. Of course, without any democratic process.

From Tunis to Washington, DC : no need to wait for the next WikiLeaks batch to know that Ben Ali's quick retreat to Saudi Arabia owes something to US diplomacy. A small compromise, but an overall B+ for Secretary of State Clinton in this (at long last) booming region. Maybe Chinese diplomats contributed : all of a sudden, supporting local dictators in exchange for raw materials is not as politically correct as it used to be.

Cynics would say that after this African Yalta, the Chinese will keep nurturing their dictator in North Sudan, while Americans will start pumping oil in South Sudan.

Another victory for Africa yesterday ? The new Front National leader has African origins : like her dad Jean-Marie, Marine Le Pen shares her origins with all of us French, Americans, Chinese... you name it. But I don't think she's going to celebrate this politically and scientifically correct fact. In a way that heals.


blogules 2011

Blood Libel

Precooked Palisms tend to go in pairs. A couple of years ago, McCain campaign came up with "gotcha politics" when journalists couldn't get any decent answer from the Veep candidate.

Now Palin staff produced a splendid "blood libel" to retali/refudiate/whateverate against those who accused her and fellow hatemongering FOXnews barkers of fueling violence. Vintage Karl Rove 101 : when accused of being an enemy of democracy, I call my accusers by the same names, with a marketing gimmick for the general public to memorize the expression.

Sarah Palin didn't pull the trigger : Jared Lee Loughner did. But politicians are responsible for what they say and the laws they vote for.

Just days before the shooting, GOP paraded at the Congress reading the Constitution, but they would have read a Lehman Brothers brochure or a NRA leaflet with more conviction.

Meanwhile, Gabrielle Giffords is fighting for her own life. Without any gun. Without any two-penny, double-barrelled palinism.

blogules 2011

Happy New Year 2012

Sorry but just like the previous years*, I cannot wish you a happy new year considering what's going to happen in 2011:

January 2011: volcano Eyjafjallajokull inrupts in Iceland. During this extremely rare phenomenon, billion of tons of CO2 are reabsorbed, causing unusually dry days and cold nights worldwide. In the process, the volcano also sucks about 5,167 planes from the sky.

February 2011 : the Cricket World Cup is sponsored by the Tea Party. Sarah Palin collapses during the seventh day stretch.

March 2011 : Kim Jong-il chokes on a gimchi pretzel. Two days later, his son Kim Jong-un is killed by the chief of intelligence services. The Red Army controls Pyeongyang, millions of North Koreans flock towards the South, thousands die on DMZ land mines. Three weeks later, the South announces that according to various trustable sources, Kim Jong-il might have caught a cold.

April 2011 : Prince William and Kate Middleton tie the knot around Prince Charles' neck. Camilla Parker Howls.

May 2011 : WikiLeaks exposes Julian Assange's STD lists. The 800 page book instantly becomes a New York Times bestseller.

June 2011 : inflation outpaces growth rates in China and property bubbles burst across Asia. US Dollar rallies by 2% against the Yuan : one RMB is now worth only 34,548,997 USD.

July 2011 : accompanied on the piano by Condi Rice, Vladimir Putin wins Russians Got Talent 2011 by singing a touching "I Dreamed a Stalin Dream".

August 2011 : harrassed by a Harry Potter fan working for the IRS, J.K. Rowling resuscitates the sorcerer for a second round of seven books. Daniel Radcliffe declines, but will replace Johnny Depp for the next two Jack Sparrows after the miserable failure of "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" at the box office : "I'm sick and tired of heptalogies - Sparrow movies fly by three, and I even have idle time to work for a Lucas franchise on even years. They said I had enough acting talent to play R2-D2"

September 2011 : the Rugby World Cup is sponsored by the Beer Party. Sarah Palin collapses after her sixty sixth six pack Joe.

October 2011 : in spite of an intense marketing campaign, Jonathan Franzen doesn't get the Nobel Prize for literature, which goes to George W. Bush for his works of fiction.

November 2011 : Greece is bailed out by a pool of betting companies based in Macau. France is refused the same favor. Hedge-a-bet Funds all the rage at the NYSE.

December 2011 : Obama can declare that as scheduled, there is not one US troop left in Iraq because Iraq ceased to exist on December the 5th, Iran claiming the bulk of the land.


blogules 2010

* see "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009)

"Restoring Honor" ? Maybe, but not the Glenn Beck way

blogules 2010

Mid-Term Elections : Sarah Palin to run in West Dakota

My dear fellow Amerikans,

Howdy lads and gals ?

As you know, my second book, "Amerika by Heart: reflections on family, faith, and flags", will be published after the mid-term elections, around November 23. Depending on the result, it will either be about my role in the victory, or a "toldya so" condemnation of the GOP's doomed campaign of 2010.

After working on two books in one, my head is swimming with words, but thank God I kept my eyes on the ball... which, by the way, was much easier to find than Obama's cojones (wink - wink) !

As you also know*, I will run in 2012. I got all the credentials as a top FOX News barker. And if the Reps dare not nominate me, I'll merge the Tea Party and my fundamentalist base into a "Libertarian, Gonads, Bible, Tea Party". Will that "LGBT Party" be the pride of our glorious nation ? You betcha !

For 2010, I needed to legitimitize my involvation in the electoric process. I badly hadda run for a seat, and not only because I had a mean chili con carne for lunch. I long hesitated between West Dakota and North Virginia, and settled for the former, 'cause it has a border with Saskatchewanistan : this winter, with Todd, we're gonna Skidoo hunt Bin Laden and his fellow thugs, smoke'im out, gut'im out, hang'im high, you nam'it.

But before that, during this whole year, I'll keep reminding US voters why they need to vote Republican this November : to fight against Obama's unfair policies that granted medical care to whiners and deprived Wall Street execs from well deserved impunities, to drill deeper into the Gulf of Mexico and Alaska (and while we're at it drill even deeper into our prisoners in Abu Ghraib and Gitmo - wink - wink), to restore Amerikan values (starting with waterboarding) and the positive image of Amerika overseas, plus, of course, to go back to our sound economy of 2008.

Yours Truly,

Sarah Louise Palin


blogules 2010

* "GOP - From Morale Building to Moral Damage Control Mode"

Arizona Dream

On his way back from the inauguration of the Great Arizonian Iron Curtain, President McCain inspected the Louisiana oil mess from Marine One chopper : "What a waste ! All those gallons will stick to our Shouthern shores for decades instead of fueling our fundamentally sound economy... Believe me my friends, heads will roll at the FEMA : we said 'drill baby drill', not 'spill baby spill', for Chrysler's sake !"

Meanwhile...

- Veep Palin visited a Creationist School. "Onov'em kids made such a terrible mistake, I hadda get to the board rite-way to fix it by m'self. Lil'guy wrote 'when dinos roamed the Earth four thousand years ago, men used their bones to play baseball'. Can you believe it ? Did I add the e to "dinoes" ? You betcha !"

- Secretary of the Treasury Lloyd Blankfein attended a pre-G20 summit. "I was taken abacus by the audacity of a brilliant young Frenchman : Fabulous Fab Tourre suggested to Jean-Claude Trichet that Greece be wrapped in toilet paper and sold to Abu Dhabi in a bundle with the Brooklyn Bridge. I suggested we that trew in the New York Mets as well, but Fab wisely noted that it could raise suspicions."

- In Mexico City, former First Lady Cindy McCain married former First Lady Carla Bruni.

- George W. Bush inaugurated his Presidential Library. "All the 10,000 books I've read so far are here. I never use twice the same copy of the Holy Book, and the West Wing is devoted to the only other book I read : 'My pet goat'. This year I intend to start page 5."

- Senator Obama attended a Milk Party : Michelle Obama's movement claims 10,000 new members every day and she remains in the polls the front runner for 2012.

blogules 2010

GOP meets Poujadism

When Karl Rove says the Tea Party should keep distances from the GOP*, what he actually means is that the GOP should stay away from this political dead end.

But if the Architect knows a few things about winning and losing elections, I don't think he is familiar with French Poujadism, the movement which inevitably comes up to my troubled French mind each time I hear about this laughingstock of a Tea Party.

During the early 1950s, Shop owner Pierre Poujade defied the French tax system and founded a party that surfed on a collapsed political system to claim 400,000 members and more than 50 seats in the National Assembly... where the absence of program of the movement became an embarassment for everyone. Charles de Gaulle's comeback put an end to the doomed IVth Republic, and Poujade's Union de Defense des Commercants et des Artisans left for ever the political centerstage.

Pathetic indeed. But one can worry a bit more about what could happen in a country where a certain Joseph Stack III just crashed his plane on an I.R.S. building in Austin, TX**... Furthermore, among UDCA's law"makers" was Jean-Marie Le Pen, who later founded the extreme right party Front National... I wouldn't be surprised to find this kind of "great democrats" within the Tea Party's dream team.

Hardcore taxophobes are not comfortable with the very concept of a state, and such platforms never bloom in healthy democracies because they are, fundamentally, anti-democracy.

Populism and tax breaks sell well in the short term, but only simple minds stick to it whatever happens. For instance : the same voters who followed G. W. Bush on that path are now mad at Obama because he doesn't know how to reduce Dubya's abyssal deficits with more tax reductions.

Unlike Poujadism, the Tea Party is purely grassroot and lacks a leader. Ron Paul might fit the job, but Sarah Palin proposed to take the helm at the inaugural National Convention in Nashville, TN, reading from her Palm Pilot (actually a low tech model counterfeited by John McCain). Sarah Tea Party Palin... what a match.

We already saw how Palin represented the no-future of the GOP ("Sarah Palin and the Segolene Royal Syndrome - The GOP on the same path as the French Socialist Party"). So a Tea Party Spin Off with Mrs Theocon on board would definitely leave some space for Republicans who actually respect the republic (see "GOP : time to split").

Anyway, instead of following the ones who yell and destroy, GOP leaders would better sit down and think. Even if it means losing the upcoming elections - actually, THAT could come as a blessing : they decently cannot postpone their own reforms any longer.

But Democrats shouldn't rejoice too soon : if the popular success of the Tea Party unmistakably corroborates the ideological collapse of the GOP, it also is a gorilla-sized canary in their own coalmine. And they must prevent the most liberal aisles to stretch beyond the limits of the republic. Obama took the blame and seems to be correcting communication to restore some of the truth : OK, I didn't deliver the goods, but I had a few bads to take care of first.

blogules 2010

* "Where the Tea Parties Should Go From Here" (WSJ 20100219)
** At least, a political crash of the GOP wouldn't cause much damage.

Fair & Balanced Sarah Palin to boost FOX News credibility (and audience gullibility)

Still high on her already cult classic performance at the Warnik's Woodstock, Sarah Palin joined FOX News dream team of political commentators*.

Program schedules : a comprehensive shake-up. Our own Agence Fausse Presse investigators can already bring you exclusive insights into future changes : the former Governor of Alaska may run her own shows on Fox News TV and radio channels, plus specials with each fellow star. That's according to random memos extracted from her most recently hacked email accounts (featuring Yahoo!, gmail, nra.org, and Discovery Institute) :

In duo with Glenn Beck : "for our 'Gore Rogues' routine, imagine his Guantanamo-style slapstick humor plus my pitbull-with-lipstick biting humor ! There will be blood and screams and will Alberto Gonzales be a regular guest ? You betcha ! But we'll try to reach across the aisle whenever possible. I heard Howard Dean made a pretty mean "yeehaw", but we need people with actual hatred in'em. Know what I meanie mean ?"

In duo with Karl Rove : "We'll welcome only people we like in a cosy, Barbara-Cartland-pink studio, and compose actual bouquets for them during the interviews. Dubya already said yes for the pilot and the first fifty episodes devoted to his Bush Legacy. He also promised to help us get the best possible cast to fill the first season of 'Flower Arrangements With Turd Blossom' up to the roof and over the top".

In duo with Bill O'Reilly : "We're gonna reach for Joe Six-Packs. I'll tend the saloon and he'll be our sheriff. 'Brewing Grog : an Irish life' is gonna knock unconscious the odd FOX regulars who have any trace of conscience, or trouble swallowing everything we say or scream. And I'm talking about real people, not about the 3-7% who always give the wrong answers to our live questions - that number is randomly generated by the Afghan polling software FOX got from the CIA."

In duo with Sean Hannity : "Our alternate reality show 'HealthScare : Losing Your S'Hannity' is already a commercial success. We had to auction our top sponsor slots to play fair with all Big Pharma members. Of course, lining up $10M was a pre-existing condition. They just loved the concept of Sean screaming 'you're fired' to patients recently diagnosed with lobstrosities."

In duo with Mike Huckabee : "OMG. I love'em all but I really have a special feeling for this show : "Anti-School With Sarah And Mike" will pump creationism into the most vulnerable minds, and our cute cartoons and puppets will teach'em how not to learn by themselves. In our M.O.U. with Hezbollah TV, we agreed to share some platforms, adapt a few concepts, trade worst practices, and foster exchanges between each other's most cunning writers."

Sarah Palin : "I intend to run my own edition of 'Real Amerikan Stories' doing the things I know best. Like international issues, starting with Russia, Canada, Mexiland, and Chinaware... The audience must see the world as I see it from my own windows, my own cupboards, my own gun racks. Plus of course economitics and all that stuff with Joe The Plumber - who else ? Every week I'll have a special talk show up in Alaska. Outdoors, on ski-doos, just small talk, chit-chat, shoot the moose, that kinda stuff. I expect 'Gun report, you decide' to make quite a bang."


blogules 2010

* "Palin to Join Fox News as Contributor" (Fox News 20100111)

Warniks' Woodstock

At the beginning, only a few heard about the event. After all, this kind of people have never felt comfortable with social networking - beyond the occasional tea party or KKK BBQ that is. But Fox News helped rumors spread around like wealth across a socialist program : Sarah would be there, Dick could also do a gig... heck, George Himself may bless the gathering with His Presence !

Next thing you know, half a million souls showed up over this week end of music and celebration in the little town of Woodstock, AK.

Sarah Palin opened the show with her Lipstick Inc hit "Fundie Town", but first she warmed up an already very friendly audience : "howdy lads ! woa, there's a great buncha yougaz - I can see ya all the way to Siberia ! If y'feel cold just burn some of the stuff ya've been playin' in all afternoon long - ain't no mud but pure, high octane moose turd... burns like a cross in an Alabama field, if you know what I mean - nudge nudge, snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, say no more ?" Sarah didn't leave stage without reminding the crowd to purchase her last book, "Goring Roe (v. Wade)".

Following a short sermon on abstinence by Bristol Palin, Mark Sanford sang a moving "Appalachian Trail Blues". This quiet interlude climaxed with some classical music, Glenn Beck playing the Magnum 44 and Rush Limbaugh the AK 47.

"Gimme a F gimme a U, and please gimme a R, I'm freezing my arse off", roared Dick Cheney, drawing massive cheers. "I shot a bear down on my way here, but didn't have time to skin it. To tell the truth, that was an easier shot than skinny Harry Whittington, believe me ! Let'em peaceniks know what we think of the shame Obama and his un-Amerikan pals keep pourin' over our beautiful country !" The Man Who Sold The War started the Warnik Anthem a capella : "NRA can't you see, by the dawn's early light / What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's first waterboarding..."

Ever the entertainer, Lobby Dick granted the crowd with their favorite song : "I saw many of you planted your derricks for the night. Them thugs fear global warmin' ? Let's giv'em some ! Let's rock, let's roll, let's 'Drill, baby, drill' !!!"

Then came George.

The Fundamentalist in Chief waved at His flock, praised The Architect of the concert for his Nuremberg-style stage, and prayed. Tears rolling down theirs cheeks, His followers went down on their knees (except for those who lost them somewhere near Bagram), and religiously listened to his oldies but goodies, including a most moving version of "With a little help from my friends the haves and have mores".

This already cult concert finished with surprise guest stars : flown in straight from the Middle East on CIA Airlines, Osama Bin Laden and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad joined W. to reunite, one last night, The Hate Brothers. Fans sang along their most enduring standards : "I need you to exist", and "war is the answer". The final prayer went to the fourth member of the group : "Ariel couldn't make it tonight", concluded George W. Bush, "but Benjamin sure did a terrific job today - I wish my successor were that brilliant. But we reject as false the choice between a Nobel Peace Prize and a Prius."

blogules 2009