Showing posts with label Vladimir Putin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vladimir Putin. Show all posts

20220228

Exclusive fake interview with Vladimir Putin

Yesterday, I met in person Vladimir Putin at the Kremlin for an exclusive fake interview with my Agence Fausse Presse. We actually chatted over the phone, since we were each seated at one end of a 75-meter-long marble table.


blogules - 'Thank you for having me for breakfast, and not on the menu'.

Vladimir Putin - 'You're welcome. And don't worry, I don't eat people. Ukrainians do. They're genocidal, war-mongering neo-nazi cannibals, kabbalist pedophiles, and they always distort the truth.'

b - 'If I may, you're the blood-thisrty war-monger pushing massive disinformation campaigns and spreading totally outrageous lies about Ukraine. And as far as neo-nazis go, you're the one helping Assad gas his own people, you're the one playing the Hitler playbook with a fallacious story about 'liberating' Ukraine, just like Adolf invaded Poland under the fake pretext that its German minorities suffered from persecution.'

VP - 'Don't push your luck, I may reconsider my vegetarian habits for breakfast... I'm not Hitler. I'm just a Russian leader defending Russian interests. We're the ones who defeated Hitler, remember?'

b - 'Stalin did play a decisive role in defeating Nazi Germany. He was also a ruthless dictator and Imperialist who spread war across the globe and was responsible for millions of Russian deaths.'

VP - 'I'm not Stalin. I'm not a communist.'

b - 'But you never swallowed the fall of the Soviet Union. Like Hitler with 1919, you're obsessed with reversing 1991.'

VP - 'Russia goes beyond regimes. The Tsars passed, the USSR passed, Russia remains.'

b - 'Putism will pass. Heck, it doesn't even exist. Do you consider yourself like one of the Great Tsars, the way Erdogan pretends to be a Great Sultan or Xi Jinping acts like the new Emperor?'

VP - 'I'm not Ivan The Terrible. My business model is more the mob.'

b - 'Exactly. You don't have a system to sustain or to survive you, you're using smokescreens of ideologies, nationalism, religion, or such obsolete symbols as the Cossacks to cement your power and your image, but basically you're just a mob boss.'

VP - 'I'm simply the G.O.A.T. I don't even have lieutenants or deputies. For the power, I have my KGB-FSB circle at home, and thugs like Ramzan Kadyrov or Alexander Lukashenko nearby. For the money, I have oligarchs: I keep them alive, away from jail, and rich, they give me a fat cut on their wealth. Now I'm much richer than Musk, Bezos, and Zuckerberg combined. And these losers only have paper when I have gold, properties, real assets. I don't have shareholders to answer to, and my rockets can have a significantly greater impact than their baby boy toys'

b - 'Your nukes definitely can. When you put the World on high nuclear alert, when you threaten even Sweden and Finland, are you deliberately playing the 'mad man', or have you gone full paranoid, on a Nero-tic path? Even if, one day, you win in Ukraine, aren't you already losing it? I mean where's the charming, fit, acute strategic thinker these days? We can only see a vulgar, puffed up egotist with serious anger management issues. Is it steroids? Are you sick, physically and/or mentally?'

VP - 'You, for sure, are utterly crazy. You must know that disrespectful journalists don't live old here.'

b - 'I never pretended to be a journalist.'

VP - 'Well you know how I treat comedians. Ask Volodymyr Zelensky.'

b - 'I never pretended to be a comedian. And Zelensky is not an actor anymore. Unlike you, he's a genuine patriot.'

VP - 'I'm a patriot. You may not know it yet, but Russia has been renamed Putinia. And Saint Petersburg Putingrad. And no, I'm not stopping at Georgia, Ukraine or Sweden. I must reclaim control of the States and put my thug back on the throne.'

b - 'All you're managing to do is to make the EU and NATO relevant and strong again. Trump failed to destroy NATO for you, and Biden will not let that happen.'

VP - 'Joe Biden is already out. My Republican Party is doing a great job at destroying American democracy from the inside, and my local disinformation machine has never been damaged. As for Europe, I still control it.'

b - 'Are you kidding?'

VP - 'Never with business. Germany? Dope pushers hooked to my fossil fuel. And that Olaf Scholz is such a joke... Like Macron, he just came for his national credentials. Macron is not dumb, he doesn't get confrontational. He knows I didn't want him to win in 2017, he knows how easily I got rid of Juppe and Barnier in the primaries (yeah, this year, I had to make dead people and even a dog vote, but still no sweat), he knows how I can destroy him by putting gullible masses on the street. Yellow Jackets, antivaxxers.... piece of cake. But Macron also knows how to flatter egos. Look how he impressed Trump with the Invalides and that military show. Look how he had me tour Versailles and our new Russian Spiritual and Cultural Center in Paris - by the way the mayor was so easy to corrupt on that one. Did you see how the golden dome of my church outshines the Eiffel Tower along the Seine river? How could you frogs let that happen?'

b - 'I see. Let's not even talk about the UK...'

VP - 'I sent them back to the Jurassic with Brexit, and Boris Johnson is clearly more a Fred Flintstone than a T-rex. We own London, corrupted it to the core, and they won't have the guts to pull the plug. I'm not worried about sanctions anyway. We've got them all already sorted out with Jinping, Narendra, and Ali (that's Khamenei).'

b - 'If you always have your usual partners overseas, you're losing support at home. Old Russians in rural areas may buy your propaganda, but the urban youth knows that you won't be here forever, and more and more people start questioning your mental state...'

VP - 'Bah. I'll probably have to create yet another hostage crisis. You know, like at the Moscow Theater or at that Breslan school. Nothing like it to boost the ratings. Otherwise, I can still lose a few more millions Russians; our demographics are not so good anyways. Yes, they can't be all put to rest with a gallon of vodka, like I did with Boris Yeltsin, but I already got rid of hundreds of thousands during the pandemic. Only 'good citizens' got good vaccines. Why do you think we push antivaxxers, beyond undermining Western democracies? We need to compensate our lousy vaxxes, so if they're 60-70% efficient only, turning 30-40% of your populations into antivaxxers brings you and your economies down to our level.'

b - 'And as for more surgical strikes, who's the next Alexei Navalny on your hit list beyond Zelensky, Vitali Klitschko, and friends?' 

VP - 'Adam Kinzinger. Couldn't find any kompromat on him. I had kilometers of reels for Lindsey Graham, and Mitch McConnell only required wads of cash, but this guy is a disgrace for my new and improved GOP.'

b - 'So what do you have about Trump?'

VP - 'A lot of kompromat, but I don't even need that to manipulate this pathetic loser. Not even all the money we gave him to keep him afloat, or his ties to the Mafia. You know, this crybaby truly dreams of becoming a mob boss too. How cute.'

b - 'I also have questions about human rights and the environment.'

VP - 'I don't have time to answer. Anyway you know where I stand: I don't care about human rights, and I'm a strong believer in climate change.'

b - '?!?'

VP - 'I'm investing in facilities to harvest the methane liberated by the melting permafrost, and accelerating climate change to anschluss all arctic routes. Since all the icecap has already melted, we had to plant our flags on the ocean floor.

b - 'But then, where will you organize the Winter Olympics in 2036?'

VP - 'In Alaska. Ivanka has already agreed to sell it to us during her fourth mandate. Now you must go.'

b - 'Okay. I guess thank you for being as honest as an expert propagandist dictator can be.'

VP - 'You're welcome. And obviously you liked the breakfast. Did you know my granddad cooked for Lenin and Stalin? I saw you ate all the cookies, but could you taste the Novichok?'


blogules 2022
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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20200705

Kanye West: a fake #BlackLivesMatter candidate to rescue a real White Supremacist

On July 4th, Kanye West declared his candidacy for President. On the same day Donald Trump delivered a divisive speech defending the Confederate heritage.

The strategy is obvious: without waiting for Putin to spin a third candidate for the November elections (now his only path to victory, combined with voter suppression), DJT launches his friend Kanye as the ultimate Uncle Tom.

In other words, Joe Biden will be sandwiched between a fake #BlackLivesMatter candidate and a true White Supremacist candidate.

I need a barf bag.




ADDENDUM 20200705-07 TWITTER TIMELINE

 
 

. "Very smart: with #Kanye West, #Trump doesn't just split the #Biden vote: he triggers a divisive war within #African American voters. Don't get fooled: voting @kanyewest is voting #Donal dTrump." (2:37 PM · Jul 5, 2020)
. "The Donald-Kanye Sandwich: 82M followers for #Trump, 29.4M for #Kanye West, only 6.5M for #Joe Biden. #VoteKanyeMeansVoteTrump #KanyeRunsForTrump" (2:40 PM · Jul 5, 2020, twitter.com/stephanemot/status/1279651420677914624)
. "... Not counting #Elon Musk (36.6M followers and like #Trump & #Kanye West, a few billions to spare - #Kim  Kardashian just reached her first bn)" (11:00 AM · Jul 6, 2020 - twitter.com/stephanemot/status/1279958385513791488)
. "Pretty sure #Kanye West will pick a left-leaning, #Putin-friendly, white female running mate. #Tulsi Gabbard a bit too obvious. Any other guess?" (2:54 PM · Jul 5, 2020 - twitter.com/stephanemot/status/1279654824938627073)



blogules 2020
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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20200127

John BOLTON submits draft to Vlad

John Bolton sent a draft of his memoir to the NSC at the White House for review. In the heat of the impeachment trial, it confirms Trump's quid pro quo on Ukraine. Perfect blackmail time to get a reward from Uncle Vladimir... 

20191014

Make ISIS Great Again

It just took a few days for Trump's decision to deliver the expected goods.

His controversial withdrawal of US troops from North East Syria, and his shameless betrayal of the Kurd allies that helped reconquer ISIS territory gave a greenlight to Turkey's attack, which already led to the escape of hundreds of ISIS fighters, and the probable surrender of Kurds to Assad.



Why would the POTUS play against all US interests, revive ISIS, and grant such humungous gifts to Assad, Iran, or Putin?

Why would he tear down Open Skies in the same breath?

Why now? Why at the very moment impeachment inquiry gained momentum, and the Ukraine scandal threatened The Donald's hold on power and foreign affairs?

His maker Putin simply understood he had to get his puppet rush while he still could call the shots.

And Donald obliged by doing exactly what Vladimir wanted.

'Make ISIS Great Again'.

blogul 2019

20190101

Happy New Year 2020

It's that time of the year*, and I have no choice but to wish you a happy next year, considering what's going to happen in 2019:

January 2019
During their first week in charge, House Democrats issue a combined 3,320 subpoenas (over 500 each for Adam Schiff, Elijah Cummings, Jerrold Nadler, Maxine Waters, and Richard Neal) for past and present members of the Trump administration. Meanwhile, Robert Mueller starts investigating GOP lawmakers blackmailed with kompromat by Putin and Trump. Lindsey Graham, Devin Nunes, and other powerful figures abruptly flee for Brazil, where Jair Bolsonaro grants them political asylum.

February 2019
Facing prison charges, Benjamin Netanyahu takes the first plane for Brasilia.

March 2019
No blessing from lawmakers, no referendum, no deal, but no no Brexit either: the UK crashes out of the Union with the only consolation that Theresa May will no longer be in 10 Downing Street (the building being sold to pay part of the EUR 55 bn fine, the PM moves in 221B Baker Street). Boris Johnson parades at the 2019 Rio Carnival on the Monstrosity float:


April 2019
The day Akihito abdicates, Nippon Kaigi and Shinzo Abe have Naruhito, Akishino, and Hisahito murdered to install on the throne an obscure member of the Imperial Family compliant with their lifetime dream to restore fascism. At Japan's top military academy, the new Emperor welcomes his first Head of State with a vibrant homage: 'we do have a lot to learn from people like Jair Bolsonaro'.

May 2019
Vladimir Putin wins the European Elections in every single member state, the Gilets Jaunes Party claiming 41% of the ballot in France, and Marine Le Pen's movement 33%.

June 2019
In North Korea, Mount Paektu explodes, allowing KIM Jong-un to get six more unnoticed nuclear tests before going on a trek along the Amazon river, joined by Bashar al Assad the time for chemical weapons to dissipate across Kurdistan.

July 2019
Metoo: France wins the Women's FIFA World Cup at home just days after five players of the male team get jailed for domestic abuse.

August 2019
Coldest month of August on record: global warming takes a short pause thanks to Korea's nuclear winter.

September 2019
The day Mike Pence is forced to quit by Mueller Probe revelations, Donald Trump is impeached. Nancy Pelosi is sworn in, with Vice President Beto O'Rourke by her side. Jeff Flake declares his candidacy for 2020, then withdraws after being spotted in the same elevator as Brett Kavanaugh.

October 2019
At long last, Vladimir Putin wins the Nobel Peace Prize for restoring eternal peace in Syria.

November 2019
Only the third asset collapse of the year for China, but XI Jinping still believes he can, like the US, pull a fifth one by the end of the year.

December 2019
Carlos Ghosn is re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-arrested. Japan gives up all hope of getting a confession from him, and extradite the Brazilian back home, where Jair The First puts him in charge of the merger of Brazil with Hungary.


blogules 2019
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011), "Happy New Year 2014" (Dec 2012), "Happy New Year 2015" (Dec 2013), "Happy New Year 2016" (Dec 2014), "Happy New Year 2017" (Dec 2015), "Happy New Year 2018" (Dec 2016), "Happy New Year 2019" (Dec 2017), "Happy New Year 2020" (Jan 2019)... and in French: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012), "Bonne Année 2015" (Dec 2013), "Bonne Année 2016" (Dec 2014), "Bonne année 2017" (Dec 2015), "Bonne année 2018" (Dec 2016), "Bonne année 2019" (Dec 2017), "Bonne année 2020" (Jan 2019).

20180812

Mr Putin, tear down that kompromat

The Trump-Putin Summit in Helsinki more than confirmed what we suspected (see 'Donald Trump meets his maker, off the record'): this POTUS is totally in the Kremlin's pocket.

Here's our exclusive transcript of their secret talks, and the reason why DJT wanted to keep it off the record:


- Donald Trump: 'Mr Putin, tear down that kompromat'

- Vladimir Putin: 'and lose my most valuable asset? No way'

...

Now I'd love to learn what kind of kompromat Vlad holds on Rand Paul, another populist who just came out of the closet (I mean as a closet Russia supporter) with a trip to Moscow perfectly timed to blur Helsinki's awful optics. 

And speaking of people acting guilty, Bob Mueller probably wouldn't waste time investigating the highly suspicious Devin Nunes.

Anyway, it seems already too late to save the Midterm Elections. Putin keeps undermining moderates and pushing radicals on both sides of the aisle, and I'm pretty sure he's already responsible for the outcome of key recent local ballots...

blogules 2018

20180705

Trump meets his maker, off the record

Unlike last month's Trump-Kim summit in Singapore, the upcoming Trump-Putin meeting in Helsinki has been carefully prepared by the leader of America, who these days happens to be... not American:


Donimir Prump or Vladinald Trutin?
Before meeting his maker on July 16, Donald Trump will attend a NATO Summit starting July 11, and meet Queen Elisabeth II on July 13. And what just happened over the past few days?
- the POTUS undermining Putin's nemeses NSA, NATO and the EU, cornerstones of the Western alliance against Russia
- the POTUS defending Russia's annexation of Crimea as legitimate
- new cases of Novachok contamination in the UK, this time without the spy-vs-spy storyline, a convenient 'false no-flag' perfectly timed to torpedo the warnings Brits are bound to give DJT days before Helsinki
- the POTUS insisting on meeting Putin without US witnesses, raising many eyebrows (judging by how XI Jinping and KIM Jong-un played him last month*, how could he win his one-on-one with a supertrained KGB official?)

Now there is absolutely no doubt left about whom Trump is working for, and that's not the American people. We can also confirm that he's very much aware of the fact that he is helping Putin, even if it goes against the interests of his own country. What I'm not sure at this stage is whether he is doing it willingly and not just consciously, but I'm convinced that anyway, Vlad has dirt or kompromat on him (there's already so much of both all over the media).

This is not just about Trump's special weakness for dictators. He can be tough on Russia at times, but he never criticizes Putin.

This is personal.

Don needs to talk to Vlad off the record, and it won't be about the World Cup that ended the day before. 

We'll read declarations about this and that (including probably Syria), and once more, Trump will say that they talked about the 2016 elections, and that Putin is innocent, but 2018 elections will somehow on the agenda.

Trump is making sure no one interferes with the interference. Putin is still shaping the news, splitting democracies from the inside. Both must be happy to see Democrats fall in ideological traps, torn between an organization not yet purged from the Clinton era on one hand, and Independent-Scarecrow socialists like Bernie Sanders or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on the other, between reforming ICE and getting rid of it. If Maxine Waters didn't exist, Don and Vlad would have invented her.

Republicans, who have long imploded along ideological lines, face an even deeper crisis because they enabled and keep enabling Trump and Putin, with Mitch McConnell as America's Paul von Hindenburg.

Without that shameless weasel blocking Obama's Supreme Court pick, the nation wouldn't be this close to the abyss. Trump's nominee for Justice Kennedy's seat will be grilled on such issues as abortion or impeachment, but all will depend on the last GOP moderates willing to take a stand. 
The usual suspects have already made themselves heard: Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski said Roe v. Wade shouldn't be revoked.

And there's John McCain who, like Trump, had to take a fundamentalist running mate (Sarah Palin) to get his nomination. The war veteran recently confessed that he regretted that choice, and I expect him to defend his country till his last breath, particularly against Russia. 

I wouldn't be surprised to hear powerful messages from McCain and Robert Mueller on time to prevent Putin from winning these elections as well.


blogules 2018
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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 * I couldn't resist pulling, after "Donald Trump: "I never lie, I just invent my own truth"", another fake interview of DJT about that summit: "Trump: The Art of the Dealapidation (Exclusive Interview)".

'Boys with toys: Trump in cartoon being played by KIM Jong-un, XI Jinping, Putin... see a pattern?' (20180426 - twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/989314185338081282)



20180430

Donald Trump: "I never lie, I just invent my own truth"

blogules: 'Thank you for accepting this interview in your Mar-a-Lago lair.'
Donald J. Trump: 'You know I'm getting tired of Fox News, and I can't accept interviews with fake news anymore. I totally trust your self-proclaimed Weapons of Mass Disinformation, and I liked your one-on-ones with KIM Jong-un* or Macron** for your Agence Fausse Presse.'
b: 'You spend between one quarter and one third of your time in this Florida White House. Don't you like the original?'
DJT: 'Problem is I don't own 1600 Penn Ave yet. What I can do is transform this place into a profitable landmark. Fees have already tripled, we overcharge taxpayers tens of millions for security detail, and people will pay fortunes to visit Mar-a-Lago after 2036.'
b: 'Why 2036? You expect to die when you're 90?'
DJT: 'Of course not, I'm in an amazing shape, and will live longer than 250 years, according to my physicians Ronnie Jackson and Harold Bornstein, who signed the diagnostics I dictated them. I simply plan to retire after my second series of two mandates but for that, Mike Pence will have to pull me a Medvedev between 2024 and 2028.'
b: 'Why not change the Constitution to pull us a XI Jinping instead, and become president for life? Justices Kennedy and Ginsburg may not even survive your first term.'
DJT: 'I like your way of thinking. Indeed, we're doing a tremendous job at destroying US institutions, and justice is where we've been the most efficient so far.'
b: 'If it weren't for that Russia Probe...'
DJT: 'Total witch hunt. There's no collusion, all the rumors are fake, the ties between Manafort and Russia, Flynn and Putin, my whole campaign team and Sergei Kislyak, me and the Russian mafia...'
b: 'First time I hear about that last one.'
DJT: 'Vladimir's mole at the New York Times thinks they'll publish a scoop pretty soon about it, but that's a complete fabrication. Something to do with real estate, which is impossible: I've never been into this business.'
b: 'Come on, that's an outrageous lie.'
DJT: 'I never lie, I just invent my own truth. You know, something I learned from Dr Norman Vincent Peale is that if you don't like facts, you just have to repeat to yourself what you want to hear, and you soon believe it completely. I would pass all lie detector tests with flying colors. I know I would, because I practice every day for the moment Robert Mueller calls me in.'
b: 'I noticed behind your desk this original Time Magazine cover, featuring you as Man Of The Year for winning the 2018 Nobel Peace Prize. Isn't that a bit too much?'
DJT: 'Yuge, but I'm bigger than truth. And I deserve these awards, just like I deserved each and every one of my Academy Awards - by the way my favorite is for 'Titanic', an epic about the GOP. See what I've achieved with North Korea?'
b: 'Well you accepted the dictator's invitation, which all your predecessors refused, and by doing so, you helped KIM Jong-un save his own bacon, get a lifeline from XI.'
DJT: 'Maybe, but I scared him big time. Hell, I scare everybody. Believe me, I'd do anything to get this Nobel Peace Price - I'd nuke the hell out of Iran, Japan, you name it.'
b: 'Japan is a US ally...'
DJT: '... and Shinzo is a great guy. We have many Nazi friends in common, and he knows how to lose gracefully when we play golf. But Japan is cheating us bigly with trade. They don't buy as many US cars as we buy Japanese cars.'
b: 'But many of these Japanese cars are made in the US, and American cars are not competitive in quality and design.'
DJT: 'I know, that's why all my Trump cars are made in China. But Vlad asked me to demolish all international treaties. Plus my voters love to see me whack a mole everyday, and hear them scream.'
b: 'Do you think you can win again in 2020?'
DJT: 'Of course I will. Steve Bannon and Cambridge Analytica are still helping me, and I instructed my administration to do nothing to prevent Vladimir from further screwing our system. Even if they didn't need to be briefed, because they already receive monthly payments from Moscow, who as you can imagine has dirt on many members of Congress.'
b: 'So no collusion, right?'
DJT: 'No collusion whatsoever between me and American values. I'm here to destroy this nation, and Make Amerika Great Again, so sue me.'
b: 'If I do, who'll represent you, now that Michael Cohen is in trouble?'
DJT: 'Rudy Giuliani would take a bullet for me. Michael Cohen said he would, but now I'm not so sure. Anyway if Mike flips, I'll tweet him to death - that's what I call flipping the bird. And if tweets are not enough, our old mobster friends will carve nice concrete shoes for him to fertilize the Hudson River along with Jimmy Hoffa.'
b: 'Your friends are falling one by one around you, and most of the time you're the one pulling the trigger. How long can you keep that pace?'
DJT: 'You'd be surprised to see how many people are willing to experience their 15 minutes of shame. I already fished scores of them from the worst trashcans, and you haven't seen the bottom of it.'
b: 'So far, we've seen quite a few bottoms, but no swamp draining.'
DJT: 'Come on - crazy Stormy Daniels, phony Karen McDougal, that's ridiculous. Me having an affair with a porn star or a Playmate, can you imagine that?'
b: 'As much as it makes me nauseous, I can: you were a regular at Heffner's Playboy Mansion, and even made a cameo in a soft porn movie.'
DJT: 'That was long before I became Evangelical, and met Mike Pence. You know, this guy is such a religious fanatic that he already experienced a third coming.'
b: 'Actually, your Veep does have three kids.'
DJT: 'And they're smart kids. Of course not as smart as mine. My kids inherited my stable genius genes, and like me, went to nice schools because their father was smart enough to make nice gifts to nice schools.'
b: 'Your father made your own career possible with his money and connections. You couldn't have succeeded in New York real estate all by yourself.'
DJT: 'Everybody says I'm a genius in real estate, one like the world has never seen before.'
b: 'But five minutes ago, you said you'd never been in that business. And I noticed that you even tweeted it for good measure.'
DJT: 'That's a hoax. The only real estate project I'm interested in is The Wall.'
b: 'Will it ever be erected?'
DJT: 'Already done, look at these pictures.'
b: '... Impressive... Looks like a 3,000 mile long Mt Rushmore with your face reproduced a billion times on it. How come no one has ever seen it?'
DJT: 'There was a fantastic article about it in the National Enquirer, by the great John Barron.'
b: 'Isn't John Barron your alias when you call the media?' 
DJT: 'John is not that great, but we get well together. Me, I never call the media. Frankly? I never watch the media, they're all fake news.'
b: 'And you don't attend White House Correspondents' Dinners.'
DJT: 'Did you see that nasty woman on stage? Michelle Wolf? I was watching her...'
b: 'Because you never watch the media.'
DJT: '... and I asked myself if Hillary were president - by the way she's not because I won the unwinnable election, remember how awesome that was? - if Crooked Hillary were president, would this Wolf bite that nastily?'
b: 'I think, for starters, that President Clinton would have had the guts to attend the meeting, and as usual, to face her critics. And that she would have laughed her best Kate McKinnon laughter while swallowing the bitter pill.'
DJT: 'She's a loser. She enjoys it. You know, the WHCD I went to? Barack Obama and Seth Meyers were so nasty to me, I promised never to get back. Obama can be very nasty. Did you know that he fired Comey?'
b: 'What? You fired James Comey!'
DJT: 'Wrong. I never fire anybody. I pretended to during 'The Apprentice', just like I pretended to be a businessman, but the fact is that in real life, I don't know much about business, and I can't tell anyone 'you're fired'. I always do it by proxy, or via tweet, or I bully the guy until he resigns.'
b: 'Deep down, you're a coward.'
DJT: 'If I'm a coward, what does that make of Republicans supposed to guarantee checks and balances in this country?'
'Regardless of how Kim Jong-un plays Moon Jae-in, MJI sure knows how to play Trump (sce CNN):' (20180429 - twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/990464140513689600)


blogules 2018
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!! and Twitter (@stephanemot, @blogules)
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* "Exclusive interview with KIM Jong-un - Season III" (March 2018), "EXCLUSIVE-Second interview with KIM Jong-un" (February 2017), "Exclusive interview with KIM Jong-un" (December 2013)
** voir "Macron en mode G.I." (April 2018)

20171217

Happy New Year 2019

It's that time of the year, and for the 21st time*, I have no choice but to wish you a happy next year, considering what's going to happen in 2018:

January 2018:
Full mailbox for Donald Trump on the morning of the 20th: 1 letter congratulating him for his first year in office (From Russia With Love, signed by The Former Spy Who Still Loves You), 457 letters of resignation from White House staffers who completed the full year required for their résumés, 3,580 letters of candidacy from child molesters with the required KKK kredentials.


February 2018:
As announced, the US wait until the end of the Pyeongchang Olympics to launch preemptive strikes against North Korea. The new Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, 'apologizes' for not including the Paralympics: 'Our bad, but thanks to us, people with disabilities will have even more airtime'. If all targets are destroyed, they only represented a fraction of Kim Jong-un's arsenal, and Seoul is destroyed minutes after the first strike. By the end of the day, the whole peninsula is flattened. Hundreds of millions of Americans will only learn months later that, in retaliation, they've been poisoned by chemicals spread in their water systems by sleeping cells.


March 2018:

Science: the Russia Probe is successfully sent to Mars by the GOP Congress.

April 2018:
As asset bubbles keep popping, World Leaders convene in Moscow around a freshly reelected Vladimir Putin. Xi, Erdogan, Abe, Duterte, Modi, Trump, and their friends agree to focus on the reforms that should have remained their only priority: undermining their respective democracies. 


May 2018:
Prince Harry marries Meghan Markle dressed as a Minion, the mildest set she could find in his collection of Nazi uniforms, Stormtrooper gears, and Britain First Party costumes.


June 2018:
Saudi women are allowed to drive, but only driverless cars that are fully covered with an opaque burqa.

July 2018:
Not a single goal scored during the whole FIFA World Cup in Russia... an unexpected consequence of net neutrality.


August 2018:
From al Qaeda to ISIS to Idiotheocracy: the latest terror franchise to rise from the ashes of the precedent one has further dumbed down the message of fundamentalism to the most basic grunts, facilitating the merger with extremists from other religions. Their propaganda videos soon go viral among hardcore Teletubbies fans.


September 2018:
The POTUS realizes that trying to cast away investigations against him didn't work: Robert Mueller (from Mars), and Trump's victims of sexual harassment (from Venus) manage to revive the threats of impeachment. Looking for new diversions, DJT reveals the plans of the future US Embassy in East Jerusalem, inaugurates statues of the Klan Founders in the Rose Garden, and starts WWIV against Iran.


October 2018:
As soon as Theresa May resigns, the British Pound spikes to 312,788 Bitcoin, that's to say one millionth of a zimbabwean dollar, or the equivalent of half a second of work in North Korean slave wages.


November 2018:
Landslide victory for Mainstream Republicans at the mid-term elections: 'Our top donors kindly rewarded us for the generous tax cuts we offered them', triumphes Mitch McConnell. 'We're also glad that the GOP managed to end in the third position - we need all the votes of the Gropers Offshore Party'. The former Democratic Party also failed to reunite,  Progressives finishing a distant second, and the RNC fifth, far behind the Green Party, even after Hillary Clinton raised record funds for her Rhodam National Convention.


December 2018:
And the Nobel Peace Prize goes to... AlphaGo. The World's most powerful A.I. platform solved all conflicts, all famines, and all environmental and refugee crises by removing mankind.



blogules 2017
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* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011), "Happy New Year 2014" (Dec 2012), "Happy New Year 2015" (Dec 2013), "Happy New Year 2016" (Dec 2014), "Happy New Year 2017" (Dec 2015), "Happy New Year 2018" (Dec 2016), "Happy New Year 2019" (Dec 2017)... and in French: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012), "Bonne Année 2015" (Dec 2013), "Bonne Année 2016" (Dec 2014), "Bonne année 2017" (Dec 2015), "Bonne année 2018" (Dec 2016), "Bonne année 2019" (Dec 2017).
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