Happy New Year 2017

It's that time of the year, and for the 16th time*, I have no choice but to wish you a happy next year, considering what's going to happen in 2016:

January 2016: 

China devaluates its smog index; the new level for red alerts is now 10,000 PM2.5.

February 2016 : 

After losing the Iowa caucus to Ted Cruz, Donald Trump runs as an independent for the Presidency of FIFA.

March 2016: 

Three tie for first place at the World Drone Championships, all of them ISIS pilots.

April 2016: 

The Great Internet Blackout: Fidel Castro, the Dalai Lama, Robert Mugabe, David Attenborough, Ian McKellen, and Justin Bieber pass away on April 1st, leading to a social network overload.

May 2016: 

Hillary finds her voice. To shout at Bill, found in bed with a Fox News intern.

June 2016: 

France wins the UEFA Euro 2016, Michel Platini allowed to watch the final from his Guantanamo cell.

July 2016: 

China reveals that the easiest way to fulfill its goal of +7% growth in GDP per capita in 2016 is to shrink its population to 650 million people by the end of the year.

August 2016: 

Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro: Brazil's sailing teams dissolve in the polluted waters of Guanabara Bay.

September 2016: 

The flow of migrants from Syria has officially stopped since Syria officially ceased to exist.

October 2016: 

Wall Street collapses: Xiaomi buys Apple, Alibaba the New York Times, and Trump Tiananmen Square.

November 2016: 

Michael Bloomberg is elected the 45th President of the United States in a landlordslide.

December 2016: 

The Nobel Peace Prize goes to Martin Shkreli for preventing the advent of singularity by making Turing tests unaffordable.


blogules 2015
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* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011), "Happy New Year 2014" (Dec 2012), "Happy New Year 2015" (Dec 2013), "Happy New Year 2016" (Dec 2014)... and in French: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012), "Bonne Année 2015" (Dec 2013), "Bonne Année 2016" (Dec 2014), "Bonne année 2017" (Dec 2015).