Happy New Year 2020

It's that time of the year*, and I have no choice but to wish you a happy next year, considering what's going to happen in 2019:

January 2019
During their first week in charge, House Democrats issue a combined 3,320 subpoenas (over 500 each for Adam Schiff, Elijah Cummings, Jerrold Nadler, Maxine Waters, and Richard Neal) for past and present members of the Trump administration. Meanwhile, Robert Mueller starts investigating GOP lawmakers blackmailed with kompromat by Putin and Trump. Lindsey Graham, Devin Nunes, and other powerful figures abruptly flee for Brazil, where Jair Bolsonaro grants them political asylum.

February 2019
Facing prison charges, Benjamin Netanyahu takes the first plane for Brasilia.

March 2019
No blessing from lawmakers, no referendum, no deal, but no no Brexit either: the UK crashes out of the Union with the only consolation that Theresa May will no longer be in 10 Downing Street (the building being sold to pay part of the EUR 55 bn fine, the PM moves in 221B Baker Street). Boris Johnson parades at the 2019 Rio Carnival on the Monstrosity float:

April 2019
The day Akihito abdicates, Nippon Kaigi and Shinzo Abe have Naruhito, Akishino, and Hisahito murdered to install on the throne an obscure member of the Imperial Family compliant with their lifetime dream to restore fascism. At Japan's top military academy, the new Emperor welcomes his first Head of State with a vibrant homage: 'we do have a lot to learn from people like Jair Bolsonaro'.

May 2019
Vladimir Putin wins the European Elections in every single member state, the Gilets Jaunes Party claiming 41% of the ballot in France, and Marine Le Pen's movement 33%.

June 2019
In North Korea, Mount Paektu explodes, allowing KIM Jong-un to get six more unnoticed nuclear tests before going on a trek along the Amazon river, joined by Bashar al Assad the time for chemical weapons to dissipate across Kurdistan.

July 2019
Metoo: France wins the Women's FIFA World Cup at home just days after five players of the male team get jailed for domestic abuse.

August 2019
Coldest month of August on record: global warming takes a short pause thanks to Korea's nuclear winter.

September 2019
The day Mike Pence is forced to quit by Mueller Probe revelations, Donald Trump is impeached. Nancy Pelosi is sworn in, with Vice President Beto O'Rourke by her side. Jeff Flake declares his candidacy for 2020, then withdraws after being spotted in the same elevator as Brett Kavanaugh.

October 2019
At long last, Vladimir Putin wins the Nobel Peace Prize for restoring eternal peace in Syria.

November 2019
Only the third asset collapse of the year for China, but XI Jinping still believes he can, like the US, pull a fifth one by the end of the year.

December 2019
Carlos Ghosn is re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-arrested. Japan gives up all hope of getting a confession from him, and extradite the Brazilian back home, where Jair The First puts him in charge of the merger of Brazil with Hungary.

blogules 2019
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011), "Happy New Year 2014" (Dec 2012), "Happy New Year 2015" (Dec 2013), "Happy New Year 2016" (Dec 2014), "Happy New Year 2017" (Dec 2015), "Happy New Year 2018" (Dec 2016), "Happy New Year 2019" (Dec 2017), "Happy New Year 2020" (Jan 2019)... and in French: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012), "Bonne Année 2015" (Dec 2013), "Bonne Année 2016" (Dec 2014), "Bonne année 2017" (Dec 2015), "Bonne année 2018" (Dec 2016), "Bonne année 2019" (Dec 2017), "Bonne année 2020" (Jan 2019).

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