Happy New Year 2023

It's that time of the year*, and as usual, I have no choice but to wish you a happy next year, considering what's going to happen in 2022:

January 2022
On January 6, the Capitol is stormed again: hundreds of Trump loyalists demand all insurrectionist GOP lawmakers to follow them in jail. Comments from the pack leader, 'QAnon Shaman' Jake Angeli: "I know that for this party the little guys are always supposed to pay for the big guys, but today, we the base say that the time has come for some trickle-up politics".

February 2022
Queen Elizabeth II's Platinum Jubilee draws more viewers than the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics. In parallel to Beijing 2022, a parody Squid Game Season 2022 runs on all major networks to expose the regime's human rights abuses with an all time record of audience for the gold medal final in Blood-curling. "This is an insult to our philanthropic institution", cries Thomas Bach. "We at the Communist Party of China always preferred red to pink".

March 2022
The WHO secretly hopes that with the next variant, Psi, the pandemic will shrink.

April 2022
This time, Vladimir Putin wins the French presidential elections. Not with one of his expected candidates (Le Pen, Zemmour, Melenchon etc), but with some obscure conspiracy theorist youtuber pushing his Yellow Vest / Antivax / Flat Earth platform.

May 2022
Olaf Scholz wins the Eurovision contest: "at last I made the international headlines. Now I've got to convince people that I replaced Angela Merkel".

June 2022
India becomes the most populated nation on Earth. To protest, Xi Jinping blocks all water coming from the Himalaya: "Let's call it a drought".

July 2022
If NASA officially recognizes Donald Trump as an astronaut, the former president keeps fuming: "my quickie in Jeff Bezos' elevator went BAD. I invited a few playmates to have some fun in total weightlessness, but that golden shower was a TOTAL MESS!"

August 2022
Climate change refugees flock from Florida. Says one: "just when we refurbished our 16-bedroom villa by the sea, we lost the Keys..."

September 2022
To celebrate the bicentennial of Brazil's independence, the people ejects Jair Bolsonaro from power. "We would have beheaded him, if only he had a head to begin with".

 

October 2022
In one day, all financial markets plummet by 50%, all cryptocurrencies by 95%. No billionaire is seriously hurt.

 

November 2022
GQP wins the Midterm Elections by a landslide with 40% of the vote. Qatar wins its soccer World Cup without losing a game, its striker Jerry Mander finishing best scorer.

 

December 2022
The Nobel Peace Prize goes to 3 recipients:
- Vladimir Putin for ending the Russia-Ukraine conflict by anschlussing Ukraine
- the Talibans for ending the gender war by suppressing all non male genders
- Boris Johnson for ending the year with the mother of all covid parties

Seriously, I do wish everyone of us a very, very, very happy new year 2022.

 
blogules 2021
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!! and Twitter (@stephanemot, @blogules)
Enjoyed my neuroses? Check my prose: dragedies.com.

* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011), "Happy New Year 2014" (Dec 2012), "Happy New Year 2015" (Dec 2013), "Happy New Year 2016" (Dec 2014), "Happy New Year 2017" (Dec 2015), "Happy New Year 2018" (Dec 2016), "Happy New Year 2019" (Dec 2017), "Happy New Year 2020" (Jan 2019), "Happy New Year 2021" (Apr 2020), "Happy New Year 2022" (Dec 2020), "Happy New Year 2023" (Dec 2021)... et en Francais: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012), "Bonne Année 2015" (Dec 2013), "Bonne Année 2016" (Dec 2014), "Bonne année 2017" (Dec 2015), "Bonne Année 2018" (Dec 2016), "Bonne année 2019" (Dec 2017), "Bonne année 2020" (Jan 2019), "Bonne année 2021" (Avr 2020), "Bonne année 2022" (Dec 2020), "Bonne année 2023" (Dec 2021).

Happy New Year 2022

It's that time of the year*, and I won't skip my duties after what happened last year (ICYMI** for the first time in a decade, I skipped my worst wishes exorcism... which obviously caused that awful 2020). 

So as usual, I have no choice but to wish you a happy next year, considering what's going to happen in 2021:

January 2021
On January 20th, at the very moment Joe Biden is inaugurated, Donald Trump announces his candidacy for 2024, followed one hour later by Ivanka and Don Jr. Before sunset, Eric withdraws from the Grand Old Parody primaries, Barron launches a PAC for 2032, and Melania files for divorce.

February 2021
Ireland welcomes the first refugees from Britain following the Great Brexit Famine.

March 2021
To defend them during their trial, the murderers of George Floyd hire the KKK's Grand Wizard. All get additional jail time for not wearing a mask, the Grand Wizard for refusing to remove his hood. Once exposed, Stephen Miller leaves his job to Rudy Giuliani for the lawyer part, the KKK side going to The Donald.

April 2021
Raul Castro leaves power. The Trump family offers to rule for the next 62 years.

May 2021
Eurovision contest returns. In protest, Europe returns to lockdown.

June 2021
Donald Trump wins the presidential elections in Iran. Ali Khamenei demands a recount.

July 2021
After a second cancellation of the Tokyo 2020 Olympics, the first Medical Olympics are held in Japan. Moderna must return its gold medal following a failed doping test (anabolic hydroxychloroquine).

August 2021
As he celebrates his landslide win at the Ethiopian elections, Xi Jinping announces the postponement of Hong Kong's vote from September 2021 to October 2047.

September 2021
At long last, Angela Merkel is free to go wild, do and say whatever she fancies. The now former Chancellor immediately returns to the university to further study science and Russian. Donald Trump's comment on Twitter: 'What a loser. instead, I would play golf all day. Hell, I even prefer watching TV all day here in Rykers Island.'

October 2021
A popular uprising removes Jair Bolsonaro from power after he pledged to destroy the last remaining section of the Amazonian rainforest (a six square foot patch near a mass burial site).

November 2021
For Thanksgiving, Joe Biden pardons the first synthetic turkeys, Beyond and Meat. Anthony Fauci receives from an anonymous 'fan' from Wuhan some mashed potatoes, gravy and a giant stuffed bat.

December 2021
Austin Mayor Steve Adler gets the Nobel Peace Prize for seceding from Texas four months after Texas' secession from the US.

Seriously, I do wish everyone of us a very, very, very happy new year 2022.

 
blogules 2020
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!! and Twitter (@stephanemot, @blogules)
Enjoyed my neuroses? Check my prose: dragedies.com.

* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011), "Happy New Year 2014" (Dec 2012), "Happy New Year 2015" (Dec 2013), "Happy New Year 2016" (Dec 2014), "Happy New Year 2017" (Dec 2015), "Happy New Year 2018" (Dec 2016), "Happy New Year 2019" (Dec 2017), "Happy New Year 2020" (Jan 2019), "Happy New Year 2021" (Apr 2020), "Happy New Year 2022" (Dec 2020)... et en Francais: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012), "Bonne Année 2015" (Dec 2013), "Bonne Année 2016" (Dec 2014), "Bonne année 2017" (Dec 2015), "Bonne Année 2018" (Dec 2016), "Bonne année 2019" (Dec 2017), "Bonne année 2020" (Jan 2019), "Bonne année 2021" (Avr 2020), "Bonne année 2022" (Dec 2020).

** see "Happy New Year 2021 (a bit belated, but there was a shortage of blogules)"

Happy New Year 2020

It's that time of the year*, and I have no choice but to wish you a happy next year, considering what's going to happen in 2019:

January 2019
During their first week in charge, House Democrats issue a combined 3,320 subpoenas (over 500 each for Adam Schiff, Elijah Cummings, Jerrold Nadler, Maxine Waters, and Richard Neal) for past and present members of the Trump administration. Meanwhile, Robert Mueller starts investigating GOP lawmakers blackmailed with kompromat by Putin and Trump. Lindsey Graham, Devin Nunes, and other powerful figures abruptly flee for Brazil, where Jair Bolsonaro grants them political asylum.

February 2019
Facing prison charges, Benjamin Netanyahu takes the first plane for Brasilia.

March 2019
No blessing from lawmakers, no referendum, no deal, but no no Brexit either: the UK crashes out of the Union with the only consolation that Theresa May will no longer be in 10 Downing Street (the building being sold to pay part of the EUR 55 bn fine, the PM moves in 221B Baker Street). Boris Johnson parades at the 2019 Rio Carnival on the Monstrosity float:

April 2019
The day Akihito abdicates, Nippon Kaigi and Shinzo Abe have Naruhito, Akishino, and Hisahito murdered to install on the throne an obscure member of the Imperial Family compliant with their lifetime dream to restore fascism. At Japan's top military academy, the new Emperor welcomes his first Head of State with a vibrant homage: 'we do have a lot to learn from people like Jair Bolsonaro'.

May 2019
Vladimir Putin wins the European Elections in every single member state, the Gilets Jaunes Party claiming 41% of the ballot in France, and Marine Le Pen's movement 33%.

June 2019
In North Korea, Mount Paektu explodes, allowing KIM Jong-un to get six more unnoticed nuclear tests before going on a trek along the Amazon river, joined by Bashar al Assad the time for chemical weapons to dissipate across Kurdistan.

July 2019
Metoo: France wins the Women's FIFA World Cup at home just days after five players of the male team get jailed for domestic abuse.

August 2019
Coldest month of August on record: global warming takes a short pause thanks to Korea's nuclear winter.

September 2019
The day Mike Pence is forced to quit by Mueller Probe revelations, Donald Trump is impeached. Nancy Pelosi is sworn in, with Vice President Beto O'Rourke by her side. Jeff Flake declares his candidacy for 2020, then withdraws after being spotted in the same elevator as Brett Kavanaugh.

October 2019
At long last, Vladimir Putin wins the Nobel Peace Prize for restoring eternal peace in Syria.

November 2019
Only the third asset collapse of the year for China, but XI Jinping still believes he can, like the US, pull a fifth one by the end of the year.

December 2019
Carlos Ghosn is re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-arrested. Japan gives up all hope of getting a confession from him, and extradite the Brazilian back home, where Jair The First puts him in charge of the merger of Brazil with Hungary.


blogules 2019
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!! and Twitter (@stephanemot, @blogules)

Follow Us


* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011), "Happy New Year 2014" (Dec 2012), "Happy New Year 2015" (Dec 2013), "Happy New Year 2016" (Dec 2014), "Happy New Year 2017" (Dec 2015), "Happy New Year 2018" (Dec 2016), "Happy New Year 2019" (Dec 2017), "Happy New Year 2020" (Jan 2019)... and in French: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012), "Bonne Année 2015" (Dec 2013), "Bonne Année 2016" (Dec 2014), "Bonne année 2017" (Dec 2015), "Bonne année 2018" (Dec 2016), "Bonne année 2019" (Dec 2017), "Bonne année 2020" (Jan 2019).