20211215

Happy New Year 2023

It's that time of the year*, and as usual, I have no choice but to wish you a happy next year, considering what's going to happen in 2022:

January 2022
On January 6, the Capitol is stormed again: hundreds of Trump loyalists demand all insurrectionist GOP lawmakers to follow them in jail. Comments from the pack leader, 'QAnon Shaman' Jake Angeli: "I know that for this party the little guys are always supposed to pay for the big guys, but today, we the base say that the time has come for some trickle-up politics".


February 2022
Queen Elizabeth II's Platinum Jubilee draws more viewers than the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics. In parallel to Beijing 2022, a parody Squid Game Season 2022 runs on all major networks to expose the regime's human rights abuses with an all time record of audience for the gold medal final in Blood-curling. "This is an insult to our philanthropic institution", cries Thomas Bach. "We at the Communist Party of China always preferred red to pink".


March 2022
The WHO secretly hopes that with the next variant, Psi, the pandemic will shrink.


April 2022
This time, Vladimir Putin wins the French presidential elections. Not with one of his expected candidates (Le Pen, Zemmour, Melenchon etc), but with some obscure conspiracy theorist youtuber pushing his Yellow Vest / Antivax / Flat Earth platform.


May 2022
Olaf Scholz wins the Eurovision contest: "at last I made the international headlines. Now I've got to convince people that I replaced Angela Merkel".


June 2022
India becomes the most populated nation on Earth. To protest, Xi Jinping blocks all water coming from the Himalaya: "Let's call it a drought".


July 2022
If NASA officially recognizes Donald Trump as an astronaut, the former president keeps fuming: "my quickie in Jeff Bezos' elevator went BAD. I invited a few playmates to have some fun in total weightlessness, but that golden shower was a TOTAL MESS!"


August 2022
Climate change refugees flock from Florida. Says one: "just when we refurbished our 16-bedroom villa by the sea, we lost the Keys..."


September 2022
To celebrate the bicentennial of Brazil's independence, the people ejects Jair Bolsonaro from power. "We would have beheaded him, if only he had a head to begin with".

 

October 2022
In one day, all financial markets plummet by 50%, all cryptocurrencies by 95%. No billionaire is seriously hurt.

 

November 2022
GQP wins the Midterm Elections by a landslide with 40% of the vote. Qatar wins its soccer World Cup without losing a game, its striker Jerry Mander finishing best scorer.

 

December 2022
The Nobel Peace Prize goes to 3 recipients:
- Vladimir Putin for ending the Russia-Ukraine conflict by anschlussing Ukraine
- the Talibans for ending the gender war by suppressing all non male genders
- Boris Johnson for ending the year with the mother of all covid parties

Seriously, I do wish everyone of us a very, very, very happy new year 2022.

 
blogules 2021
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011), "Happy New Year 2014" (Dec 2012), "Happy New Year 2015" (Dec 2013), "Happy New Year 2016" (Dec 2014), "Happy New Year 2017" (Dec 2015), "Happy New Year 2018" (Dec 2016), "Happy New Year 2019" (Dec 2017), "Happy New Year 2020" (Jan 2019), "Happy New Year 2021" (Apr 2020), "Happy New Year 2022" (Dec 2020), "Happy New Year 2023" (Dec 2021)... et en Francais: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012), "Bonne Année 2015" (Dec 2013), "Bonne Année 2016" (Dec 2014), "Bonne année 2017" (Dec 2015), "Bonne Année 2018" (Dec 2016), "Bonne année 2019" (Dec 2017), "Bonne année 2020" (Jan 2019), "Bonne année 2021" (Avr 2020), "Bonne année 2022" (Dec 2020), "Bonne année 2023" (Dec 2021).

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