Happy New Year 2024

It's that time of the year*, and as usual, I have no choice but to wish you a happy next year, considering what's going to happen in 2023:

January 2023

Xi Jinping declares the pandemic over as China achieves herd immunity with only 271,564,888 fatalities. Some suspect the actual tally could be twice as high.

February 2023

On the anniversary of the invasion of Ukraine, and following a referendum held at the Russian Embassy in D.C., the United States are officially annexed by Russia. 

March 2023

Hours after Vladimir Putin is assassinated by an aide, Amerika Oblast declares its independence from Russia. All Russian troops withdraw from Ukraine and Georgia.

April 2023

Key collaborators to the 2023 insurrection, Donald Trump, Tucker Carson, and Ted Cruz are arrested just before boarding a plane for Cancun: 'you can't touch me', says the 45th POTUS, 'I'm a Russian diplomat and Vladimir gave me this Russian passport to prove it'. In retaliation, the  Republican House votes to impeach Joe Biden for collusion with Ukraine.

May 2023

Great Britain celebrates the coronation of her new king. William III pays a vibrant tribute to his late father, crushed during the rehearsals of his own big day: "that crown was definitely too heavy for poor Charles III".

June 2023

In Turkey, all opposition candidates are jailed ahead of the general elections. Erdogan claims victory with 125% of the votes: 'I scored a bit lower that the latest polls predicted, but that proves how rock solid our democracy is.'

July 2023 

The US Supreme Court reinstates Scott v. Sandford, making slavery once again legal in the US. Ron DeSantis applauds the decision: 'I'll send even more illegal migrants to Washington - soon I'll need to get some work done on my White House'.

August 2023 

Elon Musk still hasn't found his successor to lead Twitter; he never really looked for one, and both Kanye West and the QAnon Shaman rejected the offer.

September 2023 

Following Pope Francis' trip to Africa, the head of the Church and 80% of his potential successors die of Ebola in the Vatican Cluster.

October 2023 

One year later, Rishi Sunak is still Prime Minister. And still the wealthiest man in the Kingdom, with twenty five billion pounds (around one thousand four hundred US dollars).

November 2023 

Joe Biden declares his candidacy to succeed Pope Francis and wins in a landslide. Pete Buttigieg thanks Kamala Harris for picking him: 'an Asian African American woman President and a gay Hoosier Veep... America is alive and ticking boxes!'

December 2023 

Mayor Lori Lightfoot laments in front of an almost dried up Lake Michigan: "60 degrees on Christmas Day. Over zero, and in Celsius... yet climate change did nothing for that damned wind."

blogules 2022
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
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* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011), "Happy New Year 2014" (Dec 2012), "Happy New Year 2015" (Dec 2013), "Happy New Year 2016" (Dec 2014), "Happy New Year 2017" (Dec 2015), "Happy New Year 2018" (Dec 2016), "Happy New Year 2019" (Dec 2017), "Happy New Year 2020" (Jan 2019), "Happy New Year 2021" (Apr 2020), "Happy New Year 2022" (Dec 2020), "Happy New Year 2023" (Dec 2021), "Happy New Year" (Dec 2022)... et en Francais: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012), "Bonne Année 2015" (Dec 2013), "Bonne Année 2016" (Dec 2014), "Bonne année 2017" (Dec 2015), "Bonne Année 2018" (Dec 2016), "Bonne année 2019" (Dec 2017), "Bonne année 2020" (Jan 2019), "Bonne année 2021" (Avr 2020), "Bonne année 2022" (Dec 2020), "Bonne année 2023" (Dec 2021), "Bonne année 2024" (Dec 2022).

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