Lies, damned lies, and RNCs

Another marvelous day in Tampa, Fantasy Land*.

The doomed project of "humanizing" GOP candidate "I, RomnBot" continues with an incredible cast of losers:

- Mitch McConnell, a poster child for the GOP's obstructiveness in DC, criticizing the Democrats for being divisive

- Rand Paul, undeterred by the video eulogy for his not-dead-yet dad (persona non grata in the fakely harmonious reunion), delivered a more or less edulcorated version of the familial mantra, punctuated by one or two mentions of the official candidate

- John McCain, who wished he came "under other circumstances", completed the consistent "support" of an utterly divided party to an utterly flip-flop candidate: Rand Paul asked for less defense? John McCain asked for more defense, simple as that. Republicans, when Romney adresses RNC 2016, you'll feel as relieved he wasn't elected as you are now listening to this guy.

- Bobby Jindal didn't show up thanks to Hurricane Isaac, the perfect alibi to skip the embarrassing display of hypocrisy and denial.

- Rob Portman said something true: "blaming others doesn't qualify as a plan". Right. That's why the GOP doesn't qualify as a ruling party. He went on to tell a "classic American story", using his dad's entrepreneur aura for political purposes just like Mitt. Who built it? Not you guys.

- Tim Pawlenty brought tears to my face. This man is so funnily pathetic. No one laughed when he criticized Obama for being the POTUS who spends most time on holidays and golf: all other Republicans have an elephant memory long enough to remember George W. Bush. Actually, Dubya and 41 showed up on the screen. They didn't want to be associated with this comedy and just chatted by the green, remembering the good old days when they roamed the Oval Office.

- A Mike Huckabee look-alike hijacked the stage, and for one moment, I almost believed it was the same guy who kept bashing Mitt Romney on FoxNews.

- Then came Condescending Rice. The woman who contributed to the worst foreign affair messes in US history dared give a few lessons to a man who received a Nobel Peace Prize for restoring America's credibility worldwide, and got rid of Bin Laden and Gaddafi without losing one soldier. Condi Rice also dared bring up 9/11 and the way true leaders should react to crisis: by reading "My Pet Goat"? She went on and dared speak about how we should stand up against tyrants, she who sat while playing the piano for Vladimir Putin... Shameless, and proud of it.

- I'm glad Susana Martinez wasn't the last speaker tonight: by many standards, she was the ideal running mate for Romney. But by saying "no more barriers", she did nothing less than advertise for Obama's immigration policies and against Romney's program. The thing is, as soon as someone starts saying something sensible in this convention, it always sounds like an echo to the Obama-Biden campaign, and a condemnation of the Romney-Ryan ticket.

- If Paul Ryan's speech sounds familiar, that's because it was written by the same guy who carved those of Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney, and Dan Quayle, the man I keep seeing each time Ryan appears in public. Some guy may look likeable and full of humor, so was George W. Bush, also a man with more than radical and dangerous visions. Like all others, Paul Ryan lied. And I still can't believe how he dared bring up GM against Obama. Maybe he didn't vet his running mate carefully enough. Worse: the factory he said closed after Obama pledged to save it? It went down under Dubya's watch.

This convention is as outrageous as pathetic. At least, before, enemies showed up in person. Even McCain claimed 99% of the delegates in the end (only 90% for Romney).

Tomorrow, Newt Gingrich will show up in person. He wasn't allowed a prime time slot of course. But I can't wait to read between his acid lines.

Mitt Romney will close the farce. After Marco Rubio, probably his second choice if Ryan hadn't pass the cut. Not as good an orator as the Wisconsin representative, but precisely: Romney is such a downer, the damage will already be half done.

Rubio's job will be to sell Romney as a Tea Party compatible product, and maybe to to prepare the audience for another hurricane: his former rival for Florida Charlie Crist will speak at the Democratic National Convention.

So far, he's been the only (former) Republican to tell the truth: "An element of (the) party has pitched so far to the extreme right on issues important to women, immigrants, seniors and students that they've proven incapable of governing for the people".


blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!!

* see "Total Un-Recall: RNC 2012 In Denial, Welcome to Tampa, FL (Fantasy Land)" and "Attack of the GOP First Lady Wannabe clones"

I, RomnBot (Meet Mitt)

Another exclusive interview from our Agence Fausse Presse: former Massachusetts Governor Willard Mitt Romney.

Blogules: "Thank you for having us today, Governor. Wow. What a great smile."

Mitt Romney: "You know, I'm 65, but I look 55, and soon I'll be 45. The 45th POTUS, that is. I found out the best way of keeping fit was to spend time and money."

-"As long as it's just my time and your money, I can join you for a little while... Did you expect the primaries to last that long?"

-"First, they're far from over: Rick has left the race, but Newt and Ron will keep piling up as many delegates as they can until the Convention, and even as we speak, voters are casting ballots for Herman Cain. Second, from the start, these primaries were meant to last, and the Republican Party optimized the process to make the show as entertaining as Obama-Clinton '08."

-"It sure has been entertaining, but instead of building momentum around the best Presidential candidates, your show is exposing on prime time a bunch of morons struggling for the survival of the most unfit for the job."

-"Precisely. It was meant as a clear religious statement."

-"Uh. I said 'morons', not 'mormons'."

-"I know you said that. I was referring to the "survival of the most unfit" part: we're finally proving Darwin wrong. Actually, our primary process is so smart it should be considered a perfect example of intelligent design."

-"I see you're already shamelessly hustling up creationists... But you do believe in the survival of the fittest, don't you? You, ever the good capitalist..."

-"Yeah, yeah, Romney's the name, money the game. But it's not a matter of fitness. Only a question of timing. Of understanding the music of money."

-"And what kind of music would that be?"

-"I don't give a grand. What matters is the timing, the moment when the music stops, just like when you play musical chairs. The aim of the game is to pass the buck before that moment, to get rid of all the junk, to collect the $200 M, to build a hotel in the Caymans, and never, ever, to go to jail. That's where all the Mormons go."

-"The morons. Morons belong to prisons. You said 'Mormons'."

-"I know I said that. Morons go to jail, but we Mormons do have a thing for the Cayman Islands. Salt Lake City is so far from everywhere anyway, and it's so quick with our private jets. Since we have three Beechcraft‎s, four Cessnas, two UTCs, five Lockheed Martins, and a couple of Boeings, I don't need to pass by home after work to pick up Ann and the kids. Each one brings their own set of Vuitton trunks, and I take care of the dog. Strapped to the roof, as usual."

-"To the roof of the jet as well?!?"

-"Seamus always relieves himself during takeoff. I never even considered bringing him in."

-"May I ask something: have you ever considered trying to be likeable?"

-"Look. I'm trying to be electable, and that's already something difficult for me. Not running risks, maintaining Chinese walls, keeping emotions out of the scope, milking the cow... That's the way I like it."

-"Indeed, you never quite left the BCG... And by the way, you must be toying with matrices and consulting a lot for the future Veep. Any hint regarding your running mate?"

-"The vetting has started, yes."

-"Let me guess... You need someone to compensate your weak points: a Republican identified as such by all sub-currents of your nuthouse, preferably an icon for fundies and Tea Partiers, a woman, with charisma, some sense of humor, an aversion for boredom, and an open bar at Fox News. But I don't see Sarah Palin don a white shirt and a black necktie to promote the Book of Mitt at your side. And she won't help for key demographics..."

-"Sarah refused: she's planning a coup for the Convention. Susana Martinez would do a perfect Biden-buster, but she used to be a Democrat."

-"So did Reagan."

-"Yeah, but I'm already OK with Reaganians. The thing is, I have to cope with various breeds of loonies who want me to marry Marco Rubio, or to have some kind of zealot one Huckabeat away from Presidency... I'd feel so more comfortable with a running mate as boring as Paul Ryan."

-"Another 'moderate' on the Gingrich-Limbaugh scale..."

-"I'm not a moderate. I'd think and say whatever you'd like me to think and say to win that race. I've been programmed to win races."

-"Sometimes, you almost sound like a robot."

-"Because I am a robot. I wasn't built in Motor City by accident. And I wanted GM and co to file for bankruptcy in order to get all the patents for a song. Picture that: an armitt of Romneys roaming the World. Without any purpose whatsoever."

-"Except, maybe, to convert everybody to Moronism?"

blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!!