Warniks' Woodstock

At the beginning, only a few heard about the event. After all, this kind of people have never felt comfortable with social networking - beyond the occasional tea party or KKK BBQ that is. But Fox News helped rumors spread around like wealth across a socialist program : Sarah would be there, Dick could also do a gig... heck, George Himself may bless the gathering with His Presence !

Next thing you know, half a million souls showed up over this week end of music and celebration in the little town of Woodstock, AK.

Sarah Palin opened the show with her Lipstick Inc hit "Fundie Town", but first she warmed up an already very friendly audience : "howdy lads ! woa, there's a great buncha yougaz - I can see ya all the way to Siberia ! If y'feel cold just burn some of the stuff ya've been playin' in all afternoon long - ain't no mud but pure, high octane moose turd... burns like a cross in an Alabama field, if you know what I mean - nudge nudge, snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, say no more ?" Sarah didn't leave stage without reminding the crowd to purchase her last book, "Goring Roe (v. Wade)".

Following a short sermon on abstinence by Bristol Palin, Mark Sanford sang a moving "Appalachian Trail Blues". This quiet interlude climaxed with some classical music, Glenn Beck playing the Magnum 44 and Rush Limbaugh the AK 47.

"Gimme a F gimme a U, and please gimme a R, I'm freezing my arse off", roared Dick Cheney, drawing massive cheers. "I shot a bear down on my way here, but didn't have time to skin it. To tell the truth, that was an easier shot than skinny Harry Whittington, believe me ! Let'em peaceniks know what we think of the shame Obama and his un-Amerikan pals keep pourin' over our beautiful country !" The Man Who Sold The War started the Warnik Anthem a capella : "NRA can't you see, by the dawn's early light / What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's first waterboarding..."

Ever the entertainer, Lobby Dick granted the crowd with their favorite song : "I saw many of you planted your derricks for the night. Them thugs fear global warmin' ? Let's giv'em some ! Let's rock, let's roll, let's 'Drill, baby, drill' !!!"

Then came George.

The Fundamentalist in Chief waved at His flock, praised The Architect of the concert for his Nuremberg-style stage, and prayed. Tears rolling down theirs cheeks, His followers went down on their knees (except for those who lost them somewhere near Bagram), and religiously listened to his oldies but goodies, including a most moving version of "With a little help from my friends the haves and have mores".

This already cult concert finished with surprise guest stars : flown in straight from the Middle East on CIA Airlines, Osama Bin Laden and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad joined W. to reunite, one last night, The Hate Brothers. Fans sang along their most enduring standards : "I need you to exist", and "war is the answer". The final prayer went to the fourth member of the group : "Ariel couldn't make it tonight", concluded George W. Bush, "but Benjamin sure did a terrific job today - I wish my successor were that brilliant. But we reject as false the choice between a Nobel Peace Prize and a Prius."

blogules 2009

GOP - From Morale Building to Moral Damage Control Mode

Senator John Ensign (R-NV) and Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC) left without a word the office of the new GOP boss. So did Michael Steele, after a last attempt to keep his job.

"I came to fix this heckuva mess and believe me, change is coming to the GOP", said Sarah Palin to a forest of microphones. "Enough blows below the Bible belt. Enough Appalachian Trails to nowhere. I know about family values : how much do you think it cost me to cancel the party for Bristol and Levi ? And don't try to stop me. I already received stupid e-mail from macho Republicans, and stupid stuff from the letter man. Even Mark Foley tried to page me."

Is she going to run for 2012 ? You betcha.

"I can't hide that I can run", continued the theocon icon. "I'm rather fit for a hockey granma, see ? Actually, I ran all the way from Wasilla down to DC. Bobby wouldn't let me stop. Bobby, the pitbull chasing me... I can run, I tellya. Obama ? He couldn't even run a fever after a trip to swine flu infected Mexico".