Happy New Year 2014

For the 6th time in a row*, I can only wish you a happy next next year considering what's going to happen in 2013:

January 2013:

Barack Obama's second inauguration is held on the ruins of the US Capitol. The President's first decree prolongs Guantanamo for 9876 years, the term arsonist Grover Norquist will serve there.

February 2013:

Bashar al Assad eventually decides to use Weapons of Mass Destruction against the people of Syria, nominating Glenn Beck as Minister of Interior and Karl Rove as Minister of Information.

March 2013:

PSY's "Gangnam Style" video smashes the 8 billion views mark on YouTube. Floridan Democrats demand a recount.

April 2013:

To replace Supreme Justice Ruth Ginsburg, Joe Biden suggests Sarah Palin, saying that it could help solve the gridlock and find a way out of the Fiscal Abyss. The POTUS toys with the idea before refusing: "you don't kill two hummingbirds with one boulder, and her "gotcha justice" concept spells like bad karma".

May 2013:

Accused of cooking books (and not only the Qran), the Vatican is placed under Chapter 11, Verse 7. In other words: under the Republican Party umbrella ('Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech').

June 2013:

Kate Middleton gives birth to twin boys who, unfortunately, share their father's baldness, their grandfather's ears, and their great-grandmother's color blindness. 40 year later, they will fight to death over who got delivered first.

July 2013:

Croatia officially joins the European Union. And vice versa, since all other members have left. Turkey joins soon after claiming the organization of the 2020 Summer Olympics.

August 2013:

A small step for man, a Great Leap Forward for China. The nation celebrates its first moon landing by inviting America to play a go game there, starting with a big red stone crushing the US flag planted decades earlier.

September 2013:

Hurricane Christie slams the East Coast. The Capital city is moved to the West Virginian Islands.

October 2013:

Rush Limbaugh's impeccable fastbawl sends the Washington Dodgers to the World Series, but the team refuses to play the 99ers until they pledge to the same GOP pennant.

November 2013:

Eight hundred and seventy one bridges collapse across Japan on a sunny, tsunami-free, earthquake-free afternoon. Japan replaces its corrupt extreme-right Prime Minister with another corrupt extreme-right Prime Minister.

December 2013:

Hurricane Hillary lands in the Midwest, causing an early Iowa Caucussion.


blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!! and Twitter (@stephanemot, @blogules)


* see "Happy New Year 2010" (Jan 2009), "Happy New Year 2011" (Dec 2009), "Happy New Year 2012" (Dec 2010), "Happy New Year 2013" (Dec 2011)... and in French: "Bonne Année 2009" (Jan 2008), "Bonne Année 2010" (Dec 2008), "Bonne Année 2011" (Dec 2009), "Bonne Année 2012" (Dec 2010), "Bonne Année 2013" (Dec 2011), "Bonne Année 2014" (Dec 2012).

Bawling for Columbine

"Bawling for Columbine: if you plan to go to a mall or a movie theater, check the NRA forecast first (Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, or any other hatemonger will do)."

One more tragedy, this time in Aurora, CO. Even if the Rush-Aurora connection is less direct than the Sarah-Tucson one (Limbaugh ranted at the Bane-Bain villain in the latest Batman movie, Palin at Gabrielle Giffords herself), gun control - or lack of - remain the issue.

Gun control is to weapons what democracy is to politics. The NRA imposture is undermining democracy.

(20120722 UPDATE)

Join the Brady Campaign petition to demand Congress stop arming dangerous people: http://www.bradycampaign.org/dangerouspeople

blogules 2012
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!!

Warniks' Woodstock

At the beginning, only a few heard about the event. After all, this kind of people have never felt comfortable with social networking - beyond the occasional tea party or KKK BBQ that is. But Fox News helped rumors spread around like wealth across a socialist program : Sarah would be there, Dick could also do a gig... heck, George Himself may bless the gathering with His Presence !

Next thing you know, half a million souls showed up over this week end of music and celebration in the little town of Woodstock, AK.

Sarah Palin opened the show with her Lipstick Inc hit "Fundie Town", but first she warmed up an already very friendly audience : "howdy lads ! woa, there's a great buncha yougaz - I can see ya all the way to Siberia ! If y'feel cold just burn some of the stuff ya've been playin' in all afternoon long - ain't no mud but pure, high octane moose turd... burns like a cross in an Alabama field, if you know what I mean - nudge nudge, snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, say no more ?" Sarah didn't leave stage without reminding the crowd to purchase her last book, "Goring Roe (v. Wade)".

Following a short sermon on abstinence by Bristol Palin, Mark Sanford sang a moving "Appalachian Trail Blues". This quiet interlude climaxed with some classical music, Glenn Beck playing the Magnum 44 and Rush Limbaugh the AK 47.

"Gimme a F gimme a U, and please gimme a R, I'm freezing my arse off", roared Dick Cheney, drawing massive cheers. "I shot a bear down on my way here, but didn't have time to skin it. To tell the truth, that was an easier shot than skinny Harry Whittington, believe me ! Let'em peaceniks know what we think of the shame Obama and his un-Amerikan pals keep pourin' over our beautiful country !" The Man Who Sold The War started the Warnik Anthem a capella : "NRA can't you see, by the dawn's early light / What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's first waterboarding..."

Ever the entertainer, Lobby Dick granted the crowd with their favorite song : "I saw many of you planted your derricks for the night. Them thugs fear global warmin' ? Let's giv'em some ! Let's rock, let's roll, let's 'Drill, baby, drill' !!!"

Then came George.

The Fundamentalist in Chief waved at His flock, praised The Architect of the concert for his Nuremberg-style stage, and prayed. Tears rolling down theirs cheeks, His followers went down on their knees (except for those who lost them somewhere near Bagram), and religiously listened to his oldies but goodies, including a most moving version of "With a little help from my friends the haves and have mores".

This already cult concert finished with surprise guest stars : flown in straight from the Middle East on CIA Airlines, Osama Bin Laden and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad joined W. to reunite, one last night, The Hate Brothers. Fans sang along their most enduring standards : "I need you to exist", and "war is the answer". The final prayer went to the fourth member of the group : "Ariel couldn't make it tonight", concluded George W. Bush, "but Benjamin sure did a terrific job today - I wish my successor were that brilliant. But we reject as false the choice between a Nobel Peace Prize and a Prius."

blogules 2009

John Thune raises his profile and his guns

Senator John Thune's idea of raising his GOP profile is to raise his guns : the Republican Policy Committee Chairman from South Dakota wants to allow gun owners to carry concealed firearms into states with similar gun regulations.

In other words : Weapons of Mass Destruction will pass seamlessly between members of the Axis of Smith & Wesson.

This just follows a law allowing guns in National Parks (see "Open Season for Yosemite Sam"). I mean come on : the only political platform these guys seem to consider is a shooting gallery ! Don't be evil, GOPgle !

I'm sure Rush & co are wetting their pants just thinking about promising solutions to unemployment and depression (feeling depressed ? press the trigger and put a hole in'em vagrants on the dole !)... but I keep wondering what kind of vision of politics and education people like Thune have in mind.

John Thune's vision of the future ? Don't look further than the sight at the end of his gun.

Lobby Dick Tries To Retire, Fails To Retract

As the newly reformed League of Justice (D.C. Serious Comics) consider putting behind bars the Supervillains who disgraced America over the past 8 years, one of their most abject leaders resurfaces.

Last time we saw The Evil Doctor Cheney, he was pitifully escaping with his master Victor von Dumb in an helicopter. Their lair had just been raided by Captain America, who even humiliated von Dumb in public with his most powerful weapon ; a loud and concise X-ray speech exposing the imposter. The hero then threw this protective shield over the nation : "We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals".

It's hard to tell whether von Dumb will ever recover from his wounds. Somewhere deep into the darkest swamps of Amerika, The Rover is probably trying to revive his creature. D.C. Serious Comics declined to comment, but a sequel could be in the making under the title "Amerika Doomed : The Legacy".

We do know for sure the man known as Lobby Dick is still alive. Yesterday, he even rose from his armchair to deliver a "State of the Union with John King" address on CNN.

The Anchorman's hulk of a body was protected by a 8-inch adamantium-reinforced glass table, but for good measure King cast a few spells on The Creepy Veep, using quick hand gestures on his Magic Screen : as some of the Supervillain's most shameless moments were instantly brought back to life, there was no chance anyone in the audience could misinterpret his snarl for a friendly smile.

King first asked Doc Dick what he thought about Captain America's first weeks in power :
- "This League of Justice is dangerous : they are changing the very definitions of democracy, justice, freedom, science... cancelling all the much needed reforms we brought to the dictionnary over the last eight years. Next thing you know, even listening to Rush Limbaugh will be considered cruel and unusual punishment".
- "Well... isn't it already, I mean technically ? And what do you think about the use or abuse of the new superpower called Stimulus ?"
- "You sometimes do need a stimulus to get things going. For instance, when I don't get an answer or when I get an answer that I don't like, electroshocks can prove useful. But this Stimulus is a joke. Let's be clear : this country needs bullets, not bullet trains. Tax cuts for the rich, ax cuts for the poor. And a nationwide pipeline network".
- "... connected with new oil fields in Alaska, I presume ?"
- "Nah... oil should keep circulating on trucks, gas-guzzling trucks doing circles, virtuous circles. This country needs pipelines for water."
- "Pardon me... did I hear "water" ?"
- "You did. Getting water all across the nation is a major challenge for this millenium : we want to democratize waterboarding - no child left behind."
- "But that's insane !"
- "Yeah. Look how poor John McCain lost his bearings... I'm sure he refuses to promote waterboarding because Arizona is too dry."
- "Wasn't it because he was tortured in Vietnam ?"
- "That's a question of vocabulary. There was no CNN at the Hanoi Hilton back then, talk about cruel and unusual punishment..."

King offered the criminal an opportunity to redeem himself : "come on, Doc, now that your ruling days are behind you, now that you have nothing to lose... why not confess that you could have done or said things a better way ?"

Hissing and shrugging, von Dumb's sidekick refused to retract :
- the collapse of the Twin Towers ? "The DemoTeam did it, we tried to save Freddie and Fannie, but this infamous gang deliberately refused to strip them from their most dangerous powers when it was still possible"
- the Deficit ? "yet another creature from the DemoTeam - we found the fingerprints of The Dude all over it. Plus we had to reprint all procedure manuals... and by the way, do you know how much it costs to build a soundproof torture chamber ?"
- the Big Bang ? "We were caught in a global tempest and had to cope with the same crisis as our allies - rumors that the crisis originated from our own labs, our very homes, are bold lies"
- Shock and Awe ? "My only regret : the CIA didn't do their job and provided us with poor intel... but luckily enough, I was there to correct them and forge the case for the invasion of Iraq. Going at a Supervillain was the right thing to do. Everybody is definitely better off now, don't you think ? Iraq has ceased to exist as a united nation, Persia has recovered its Superpower status, new enemies keep popping up from all over the planet... more than ever, this World needs Amerika."

- "And how about The Scoot ?"

The Dark Lord's face turned even more somber as The Anchorman mentioned the case that almost tore the Doc Cheney - von Dumb couple apart in the last throes of their assault on democracy : "Victor and I slightly disagreed on that one, granted. I think it has something to do with my partner's hypocrisy. That's probably the reason why he keeps hiding his true fundamentalist face behind a mask of compassion. But make no mistake : he is as dangerous as I am."

GOPgle - Don't Be Evil

A few quotes of the week :

Rush Limbaugh to Sean Hannity on FOXnews about Barack Obama : "So I shamelessly say, no, I want him to fail".
Michael Steele to CNN about that bout : "Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer. Rush Limbaugh's whole thing is entertainment. (...) Yes, it is incendiary. Yes, it is ugly."
Michael Steele to Politico.com a little later : "My intent was not to go after Rush - I have enormous respect for Rush Limbaugh. (...) I was maybe a little bit inarticulate".

Well, you WERE articulate, Mike.

And you were RIGHT :

- First, Limbaugh IS an entertainer. In the same interview, he managed to smack this pearl of wisdom well over the fence : "I'm a thinker. A lot of people, I guess, aren't - People are emotional and they react emotionally to things". Or to credit FDR for Hoover's failure, and to consider WWIII as the solution to our problems : "The new deal didn't work. You know, Hoover was president through the depression for one year. FDR prolonged the new deal for seven or eight years, and yet he's given credit for ending the depression. Didn't happen. World War II ended it. "

- Second, yes, what Rush says is both ugly and incendiary. Not his wishing for a failure of "socialism" (what he actually meant), but his venomous speech about race throughout the interview, the typical way he's denying racism while fueling it - something Steele must have felt even more acutely than I did.

Steele first reacted as a sound leader for the good of his party, his country, and mankind. I don't think this man will manage to kick fundamentalists out of the GOP*, but I like his early-Googlish "Don't Be Evil" approach. Republicans must redefine themselves and if they keep positioning themselves AGAINST things or people, they are bound to remain at least one step behind things and people.

Yes, Steele did make a few political concessions to his right afterwards, but unlike Rahm Emanuel (who deliberately fueled Limbaugh's fire a little bit earlier), he did the right thing in the first place.

Bobby Jindal obviously didn't the right thing in his first major speech as the top contender to a match up with Obama in 2012**. "Being compared to Mister Rogers is better than some of the other comparisons we've had here in the past" - in very deed, Piyush : you should be glad not to have been compared to Fred Rogers' coathanger instead.

Anyway, forever lost in his own angry Limbo, Rush won't be seen singing "Won't You Be My Neighbor ?" anytime soon.

This great self-proclaimed "thinker" probably never dared consider that "Love Thy Neighbor" could mean anything beyond "Be a good Amerikan : get your gun and join my Neighborhood Watch".


* remember ? "GOP : Time to Split" !
** or rather 2016 - see "GOP Primaries 2012 Kick-off - Charlie Crist's Second Coming"

Obama-Pelosi vs Operation Chaos

Rush Limbaugh delivered Indiana to the Clinton camp just like he did for Texas*.

I told you Hillary would either win ugly or lose uglier, but mercifully this time may be the end of this sick race were Hillary outroved bad cop Karl and Barack outkerried good cop John.

I hope Superdelegates will flock in tomorrow and end this mess. I've been longing for the Obama-Pelosi ticket for too long.

And I hope Billary will have the decency to give up before May the 31st their claim for delegates from Florida and Michigan (their campaign team actually did vote for the 2025 mark before they voted against it and started mentioning a 2029 "magic number").


* see "Les conservateurs poussent Clinton" (20080317)