Fair & Balanced Sarah Palin to boost FOX News credibility (and audience gullibility)

Still high on her already cult classic performance at the Warnik's Woodstock, Sarah Palin joined FOX News dream team of political commentators*.

Program schedules : a comprehensive shake-up. Our own Agence Fausse Presse investigators can already bring you exclusive insights into future changes : the former Governor of Alaska may run her own shows on Fox News TV and radio channels, plus specials with each fellow star. That's according to random memos extracted from her most recently hacked email accounts (featuring Yahoo!, gmail, nra.org, and Discovery Institute) :

In duo with Glenn Beck : "for our 'Gore Rogues' routine, imagine his Guantanamo-style slapstick humor plus my pitbull-with-lipstick biting humor ! There will be blood and screams and will Alberto Gonzales be a regular guest ? You betcha ! But we'll try to reach across the aisle whenever possible. I heard Howard Dean made a pretty mean "yeehaw", but we need people with actual hatred in'em. Know what I meanie mean ?"

In duo with Karl Rove : "We'll welcome only people we like in a cosy, Barbara-Cartland-pink studio, and compose actual bouquets for them during the interviews. Dubya already said yes for the pilot and the first fifty episodes devoted to his Bush Legacy. He also promised to help us get the best possible cast to fill the first season of 'Flower Arrangements With Turd Blossom' up to the roof and over the top".

In duo with Bill O'Reilly : "We're gonna reach for Joe Six-Packs. I'll tend the saloon and he'll be our sheriff. 'Brewing Grog : an Irish life' is gonna knock unconscious the odd FOX regulars who have any trace of conscience, or trouble swallowing everything we say or scream. And I'm talking about real people, not about the 3-7% who always give the wrong answers to our live questions - that number is randomly generated by the Afghan polling software FOX got from the CIA."

In duo with Sean Hannity : "Our alternate reality show 'HealthScare : Losing Your S'Hannity' is already a commercial success. We had to auction our top sponsor slots to play fair with all Big Pharma members. Of course, lining up $10M was a pre-existing condition. They just loved the concept of Sean screaming 'you're fired' to patients recently diagnosed with lobstrosities."

In duo with Mike Huckabee : "OMG. I love'em all but I really have a special feeling for this show : "Anti-School With Sarah And Mike" will pump creationism into the most vulnerable minds, and our cute cartoons and puppets will teach'em how not to learn by themselves. In our M.O.U. with Hezbollah TV, we agreed to share some platforms, adapt a few concepts, trade worst practices, and foster exchanges between each other's most cunning writers."

Sarah Palin : "I intend to run my own edition of 'Real Amerikan Stories' doing the things I know best. Like international issues, starting with Russia, Canada, Mexiland, and Chinaware... The audience must see the world as I see it from my own windows, my own cupboards, my own gun racks. Plus of course economitics and all that stuff with Joe The Plumber - who else ? Every week I'll have a special talk show up in Alaska. Outdoors, on ski-doos, just small talk, chit-chat, shoot the moose, that kinda stuff. I expect 'Gun report, you decide' to make quite a bang."


blogules 2010

* "Palin to Join Fox News as Contributor" (Fox News 20100111)