GOP's Got Talent

Today, Jon Stewart left The Daily Show to join the Academy Award trail - fare well Maestro!

A dozen people embracing Jon Stewart in a big hug, what a contrast with the GOP Debate podium!

Now Fox News can claim the top spot for political entertainment and not fully thought through opinions. 

Today, no fewer that 10 top stand-up comedians took the stage for the first GOP Debate, and we're not even counting the minor candidates, who enjoyed their own open mic hours before!

America's Got Talent: today, 10 funniest stand-up comedy talents on GOP Debate (tough competition for Donald Trump) (twitter.com/stephanemot/status/629481901875556352)

Here's how the 10 (+1) fared:

• 2 over-performed:

As often in the case, the winners are underdogs: Carly Fiorina confirmed her potential as the perfect running mate, and John Kasich was, to put it simply, in the zone - his comfort zone (as long as this guy can repeat his same 'I did that' speech he's okay, but he'll be in trouble once the field's cleared up and he's given more time to talk about other issues).

• 1 lost big:

Not only did Rand Paul sink, but to add insult to injury, Trump was the one who delivered the death blow.

• 1 won the Democratic debate:

Chris Christie played the full orchestra: compassionate, conservative, patriot act hawkish, Obama hugger, no-nonsense tea partier hunter, good cop and bad cop, Hulk and Baloo.

• 3 did exactly what was expected from them:

Jeb Bush by keeping low profile, staying below radar surface, and even ending with the dullest closing words. So he didn't win today's debate, but the aim was not to lose it, so mission accomplished magna cum boredom. 

Donald Trump by roaring outrageous Trumpisms that would terminate all hopes for any normal candidate, but will keep him in the race for a while. Chris Wallace and his Fox News pals tried their best to expose his ugliest sides and his lack of knowledge on key issues, but Donald Excuse Me Trump proudly owned up to every single monstrosity he ever said or did.

Marco Rubio by playing his charmingly hollow, perfect son in law self: my parents did all the tough parts, including my face, but I learned how to smile all by myself, so I'm qualified for the job.

• 4 performed so-so:

Sorry but I still can't take Scott Walker seriously. He may be one of the least worst in the pack, each time he speaks I see Steve Carell.

Ted Cruz was, is, will be a loser.

Ben Carson is not a jaded politician and it shows. The unnatural way he waves his arms, how his eyes keep returning to his notes / screen... Regardless of what he says you can't trust a leader who doesn't trust himself.

I was about to face-palm when Mike Huckabee started his wrap-up (he's not going to denigrate Trump when he's supposed to finish on a positive me-note?!?), when he pulled his Hillary Clinton joke. Got me, but didn't seize the day.

BTW: now please give me a good Hillary Clinton - Bernie Sanders fight.

Rick Perry jabs at Donald Trump in absentia at Minor League debate. Huckabee to do the same in the main Nuthouse That GOP Built (twitter.com/stephanemot/status/629454011456884736)

GOP Debate starts with individual Q&A. Here, Chris Christie on how he slimmed down (the NJ budget, not his own weight) (twitter.com/stephanemot/status/629463191509045248)

Robin Williams still alive, Steve Carell still making a fool of himself (Ted Cruz and Scott Walker at GOP Debate) (twitter.com/stephanemot/status/629467865557504001)

Ben Carson body language: what am I doing here?
Certainly no Commander in Chief material (twitter.com/stephanemot/status/629468580174639104)

Donald Trump at Rand Paul with the grace of a buldozer: "you're having a bad night" - actually "you're having a bad time today" (twitter.com/stephanemot/status/629469326622478336)

Donald Trump proud of milking the system he pledges to change, of making money at other peoples expense. Surreal GOP Debate (twitter.com/stephanemot/status/629475624281706496)

Donald Trump in Atlantic City: I took the money and ran.
Christ Christie in NJ: I restored the budget, now I can run for Prez.
GOP Debate (twitter.com/stephanemot/status/629477659890749440)

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Trump Parliament

Since last May (see "ABH Corpus"), more candidates have joined the race. No surprise, except maybe for George Pataki, a serious contender for VP who didn't have to show up that early. As expected, Chris Christie and Scott Walker jumped in, as well as the Bobby Jindal - Rick Perry - Rick Santorum trio.
 
Of course, Donald Trump eventually putting his money where his big mouth has always been remains the most entertaining part of the show, particularly when you're on the Democratic side.

Yet Latinos and Veterans are not finding Trump that funny. Not after his latest outrageous remarks on Mexican migrants or John McCain.

That's classic Donald Trump: a farcical extremist, a guy who, at the same time, makes you want to laugh (doesn't he look like Owen Wilson?) and to puke (doesn't he think like Jean-Marie Le Pen?).

Owen? You'd better not pout, I'm telling you why (Donald Trump between Jean-Marie Le Pen and Owen Wilson)

This outrageous character is leading the polls for the GOP primaries: according to Fox (July 13-15), he scores 18% compared to 14% for Jeb!, 15% for Walker (Scott, not W), 8% for Rand Paul, and 7% for Marc Rubio (who didn't stand the distance vs Bush The Third).

This shouldn't last, but Donald Trump has become the ultimate deformable mirror for other GOP candidates, forcing them to distance themselves from this radioactive clown, to the risk of alienating ultra-conservative voters.

And ultra-conservative voters are not in a mood for laugh, following the latest victories of democracy:  Confederate Flag outlawed, and equal rights for same-sex marriage (hell, Lindsay Graham even became a candidate for the GOP, how's that for LGBT rights!).


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Romney's big night? A bitter sleeping pill

At long last! Surviving three long days of 2012 RNC on FoxNews was already a challenge, but this last one... To tell you the level of torture: even Dick Cheney skipped it, and only "Turd Blossom" Karl Rove seemed to enjoy the stench.

Consider this:

- The moto of the day: painting Obama as Carter, Romney as Reagan. But on this RNC propaganda video of Reagan, you see the difference with Romney. Romney's name may start the same way as Reagan's, all you can see is the rhyme with money.

- Newt and Callista Gingrich reciting a soulless script with the enthusiasm of Christopher Lee snoring in his coffin.

- Jeb Bush talked about a better, fairer education system for America, and in the same breath invited on stage Sean Duffy, a teacher who judges other teachers, and qualifies them as "good" or "bad". Jeb's ideas may sound nice, his vision of "higher learning" ended up in ballot fixing, and the "equal access" he's been promoting the most efficiently is the equal access to guns. When Jeb Bush makes a comparison between diversity in milk and education, he lists 'milk that doesn't even have milk in it': I presume he wants to see Intelligent Design taught in school, that's 'pseudo-science that doesn't even have science in it'.

- After that? Rick Perry spinning weather vane Romney: oops, a whirlwind of insHannity.

- US Olympians worshipping Saint Mitt, He Who Saved the IOC. Next thing we know: Romney will be walking on water (flic, floc, flip, flop). Only on FoxNews: "It doesn't get any more American than that" (Nikki Haley about US Olympians). Eluding taxes in the Cayman Islands maybe?

- Saint Sarah Palin playing the 2008 martyr of unfair attacks by the Democrats. The Palinism of the day? "Reverse discrimination stuff", about these Dems who shamelessly display African-American or Latino speakers during their conventions for electoral purposes (indeed, no decent GOP member would ever consider such an infamy).

- Sean Hannity mentioning "false narrative". Not about the 2012 Republican National Convention, but about the Democratic campaigns unveiling the true Mitt Romney.

- A video of Mitt Romney talking about his dad. "He was immovable". Obviously the quality skipped the next generation. The only moving moment was the testimony of people who were visited by Mitt when they were in despair, but that's only a sign of good marketing know-how from a profesionnal missionary.

- Clint Eastwood tried to make Romney's day, and instead made an embarrassment of himself. His apparition had something reaganesque to it: after all, Clint brought the only star power this dullest convention in ages would ever see. But he struggled with words, remembering only a few good punchlines in an inarticulate and confuse speech. Someone had to remind him to mention Romney. Clint refused, before realizing where he was. He eventually fired "a businessman, a stellar businessman", and "let'im go". Let'im go, really. Someone, have mercy: bring a wheelchair for poor ole Clint. Please.

- After that, we had to watch Marco Rubio deliver his address to a bay of P.I.G.s. Maybe this young man needs to learn that the USA are supposed to be a democracy, not a theocracy. Rubio pitched Romney so poorly the old man reached first base before he even threw the ball. - It was supposed to be his day, and Mitt Romney stretched his apparition to the fullest as well as to the foolest. His handshaking session across the floor was an embarrassing scene where a jimcarreyshy Tin Woodman struggled to make natural contact with actual human beings. This guy's obviously not used to shaking hands without signing a contract right after.

- After robotting his way up the Calvary, Mitt read his prompt with a body language that screamed "get me out of here". Progressively, the carfully crafted script almost brought some humanity, and even actual emotion on this deadpan comedian's face, but he had to deliver at that precise moment his ultraconservative vision of women as mere mothers and housewives. Right there, Mitt lost for good the votes of independent women. Who needs a POTUS stuck in the 1950s with a vision from the XIXth century? Romney's speech was only inspiring to Bain Capital owners. It was so boring I felt like turning off the TV, until I remembered this guy was already completely disconnected.

- In the end, Mitt Romney was rescued by a sea of fellow helium balloons on stage. Paul Ryan threw in a couple of tea bags before both perfect families reunited in the usual final tableau.

Hey, Republicans, sorry to tell you that but this is not a remake of Carter-Reagan, folks: you're in for Obama-Biden vs Bob Dole-Dan Quayle, and for Obama 2012 vs Romney 1812.

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* see "Total Un-Recall: RNC 2012 In Denial, Welcome to Tampa, FL (Fantasy Land)", followed by "Lies, damned lies, and RNCs"

Six Buffoons in Search of a Kingmaker

It takes a looney to know one: Palin just endorsed Gingrich.

And the only sane person in this nuthouse dropped out of the GOP race (not Stephen Colbert, the other one: Jon Huntsman*).

Which leaves us with 6 people: Romney, Gingrich, Paul, Santorum, Perry, and the future Guest Star.

Who knows from which asylum the nominee shall vet his Veep? And how about a third candidate? Say, from the INETP (INdependent Evangelical Tea Partisans), or from Sarah Palin's LGBT party**?

You know what's missing for GOP candidates this year?

Let me rephrase it: you know who's missing for GOP candidates this year?

Rupert Murdoch.

The Great Kingmaker is out of the race. Posing as a bald monk meditating on some distant hill, chain-twitting pearls of wisdom, but cut off from all wordly matters. Maybe a few eavesdroppings now and then - you can't kick the habit that easily.

Anyway, at Fox News, the whole crew seems to be running headless. Even Theocons need a Qibla.

Ideology-wise, surviving members of the nuthouse can only agree on their greatest common divisors:

1) They want to kick Obama out. On the grounds that...
... the guy's a sissy (he won a Nobel Peace Prize, only used two choppers to kill Osama, and didn't even invade Libya to get Qaddafi)
... he's screaming at oil diggers as soon as they spill a bucket or two in the Gulf
... he's a divisive figure: our dear GOP has never been so divided
... he was not even born in the United States of Amerika, and, for the Grand Wizard's sake, the place is called The WHITE House for a reason, duntcha think?

2) They want to Restore Amerikan Honor. In other words...
... restore the great Amerikan values (teaching creationism at school, and waterboarding at West Point),
... restore the sound economy of 2008
... restore budget orthodoxy by removing all taxes and launching an illegal war
... invest less on schools (to prevent the Steve Jobs of tomorrow from happening), and remove all regulations (to create a land of opportunities for the Kenneth Lays, Bernie Ebberses, and Bernie Maddoffs of tomorrow)

Six buffoons in search of a Kingmaker...

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* who, eventually, didn't get a ticket to ride all the way to Florida (see "Grand Old Parting: fix your party before causing more damage to your country")
** see "Mid-Term Elections : Sarah Palin to run in West Dakota"

Grand Old Parting: fix your party before causing more damage to your country

Can a Republican reach the White House this year? The answer is yes, possibly, but the real question should be: can Republicans actually run the country anywhere except into the wall*?

As I write, South Carolina Evangelists are preferring Mitt Romney to Rick Saint Orum**, and most pundits expect him to become the next GOP nominee. Mitt is probably considering vetting a running mate who doesn't know how to don the white shirt and wag the Book of Mormon, but Newt Gingrich keeps throwing Hail-Mary-passes and Latter-day Slanders, actually helping Romney for the general elections by depicting him as a Massachusetts moderate (the closest thing to a mass murderer in Amerikan lingua). For GOP's sake, even Harry Reid is a mormon.

Rick Perry is a moron, so he can perfectly qualify for the Veep position, in the great Dan Quayle tradition. Twitter darling Ron Paul prefers to bet on the next caucuses (Nevada): obviously, Libertarians cannot trust pure democracy, you know, that process where voters are actually free to think by themselves when they cast a ballot? I wish Ron were running as an Indy come November to ruin the party, but he might be tempted to salvage a few bridges for his son Rand, a mini-me with a sheep wig (Gary Johnson? I said nevermind). Which leaves us with Donald Trump, a Romney impersonator with an even sillier wig, but who does a decent "you're fired".

Mercifully, because Jon Huntsman didn't drown in New Hampshire, we'll enjoy the presence of a reasonable man in the race until at least Florida.

Mitt Romney also seems a reasonable man, but if you're starting to picture him as the next POTUS, here's some food for thought:

.Yes, this guy can win...:
- Okay, he speaks quite good French, but he is likeable enough (though not as much as Hillary, with whom I bet - four years ago - that Obama would replace Biden for his 2012 run), and he is a moderate by nowadays GOP standards (which doesn't mean anything, but some independent voters might get fooled, and even Reaganians could fall for this caricature character from a 1980s sitcom). But Romney won't be allowed to run without making unacceptable compromize, and without a dangerous lunatic one heartbeat away from nominating the next Supreme Justice.

... but no, neither Romney nor any other Republican candidate should become President...:
- We're not just talking about a person but about a party. And right now, the Republican party is not fit for power. Simple as that. This divided nation cannot afford a divided party that hasn't achieved anything positive over the past twenty years, and officially imploded eight years ago***. If they really love their country and their party, Republicans must first reform the GOP to transform it into a sustainable platform, fit to govern the nation. Even the Democrats did it twenty years ago by getting rid of their most caricatural parts, and by trading ideology for pragmatism. Of course, Reps still manage to win now and then (and not always by cheating in Florida), but look how they fail miserably when they do. And the only time they came up with a consistent vision, it was the ultimate negation of republican and democratic values. You want more impostures? Guess who turned record surplusses into record deficits, privatizing gains and socializing losses? And guess who saved American capitalism?

... and yes, Obama is still the man:
- Yes he could have performed better in many ways at home and abroad, but the things he did wrong were the things he did the conservative way, for instance getting along with corporate abuses or Israel excesses. At home, Obama managed historic reforms before the Reps shook the House. Yes, the economy hasn't recovered yet, but he has already cleaned an impressive part of the incommensurable mess they caused, and even until now they keep provoking further damage (last year's surreal budget drama exposed if needed the GOP's inability to govern). Yes, Guantanamo is not closed yet, and yes, Obama couldn't prevent the implosion of Iraq borne by the 2003 invasion, but he proved a better and smarter Commander in Chief by getting Bin Laden and freeing Libya with limited means. Yes Iran remains a danger, but the regime has lost the ideological battle home and Obama was inspirational for a change that later rocked the region.

Yes, he can.

But for that, he needs four more years, and a majority.

Since America is a free country, voters can decide that they preferred the way the country was run before Obama (reminder: the Bush-Cheney administration destroyed more value and more values than any other in American history), and that the whole country should be run like the House they voted for in 2006 (a disgrace mocked all over the world). A no-brainer, I tellya.

Right before the 2010 midterm elections I asked that simple question: "Can America really afford a Republican Second Dip?".

I have the bad habit of repeating myself, but so does History.


blogules 2012
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*without caps: forget about that dream image of a bull on Wall Street.
**For the few retards who didn't catch his subtle marketing positioning, and the surprisingly many retards who embraced it, Rick Santorum wrote down a few words below his name on his campaign billboards: Faith, Family, and Freedom. In other words: Theocons, Paleocons, and Anticons* (for that latest flavor, see "Grand Old Parting - enter the anticons").
*** see "GOP: time to split"

Grand Old Parting - enter the anticons

Just a few months left before the NH kickoff, but the Republican primaries have already entertained us with series of debates and debacles.

Among the "quitters", Sarah Palin refused to follow Segolene Royal in a doomed candidacy (the French diva who rocked the 2007 presidential elections claimed only 7% of the votes in the first round of the Socialist primaries). Tim Pawlenty illustrated the Peter Principle by exposing his incompetence as early as he postulated for the job. Donald Trump made us laugh with his usual roaring 80s / toupee in fire routine. Chris Christie didn't even try to run - the New Jersey heavyweight will have to find other ways of getting fit.

Among the "no shows", Bobby Jindal or Charlie Crist seem to focus on 2016... or poised to become "has-beens that never were".

Among the "Tea Partiers", Michele Bachmann is the most likely to cause durable damage withing GOP ranks. Libertarian in Chief Ron Paul (I won't even mention Gary Johnson) cannot rise as high as MB in the polls, and he will not try a Ross Perot diversion.

Yet, letting Tea Partiers run by themselves would be the smart choice for Republicans. As we all know, the Grand Old Party never recovered from the 2004 implosion (see "GOP: time to split"), and those paleocon-neocon-theocon divisions have been amplified by the emergence of yet another torpedo, the Tea Party.

I'd rather call these guys "anticons": the Tea Party is not just an alternative to the Republican or the Democratic parties, but the very negation of the republic, the very negation of democracy. The Tea Party refuses the balance of powers, of rights and duties that forge modern democracies. Make no mistake: if this imposture claims a revival of founding principles, it ultimately seeks their destruction. And Michelle Bachmann should never be allowed to break that fragile glass floor.

What does it leave us as we speak ? Newt Gingrich ? Come on ! Rick Santorum ? That man would sign a pledge of allegiance to the Devil to get nominated. Rick Perry ? An empty shell, a Dubya clone lacking his model's conviction and clutches (Karl Rove, Dick Cheney).

Mitt Romney has tried everything he could save visiting the Discovery Institute (he changed his mind on liberal reforms, and pledged to nominate judges that would revoke Roe v. Wade, but doesn't condone creationism yet). Even though, the mormon label remains a drag.

Herman Cain seems to propose the impossible synthesis between conservatism and teapartism (a populist 9-9-9 tax plan that only flies in polls), and the African American from Georgia could challenge Obama with his corporate background (even Mitt Romney struggles against this former CEO and Federal Reserve Banker).

For the moment, the most sustainable candidate seems doomed : Jon Huntsman has decided to take the high road, the closest thing to a dead-end for a GOP candidate nowadays.

blogules 2011