Exclusive Transcripts From Clinton Presidential Records

The Clinton Presidential Center will soon release new batches of Presidential Records. Here's an exclusive preview, for your eyes only - transcripts from phone conversation recorded during his last year at the White House (at this stage, we can't tell "final year" since Bubba may come back as the First Gentleman):

Conversation with First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton:
- "No Hillary, that's not what you think. I didn't inhale her perfume."

Conversation with Vice President Al Gore:
- "Sure you don't want my advice? To block Bill Bradley, I'd hire The Shaq. And for your running mate, get yourself a Joe with a six-pack smile. Biden, not Lieberman. Just sayin', but mark my words."

Conversation with First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton:
- "Chappaqua sounds nice, but how will we pay for the house? We're already drowning under legal bills - and speaking of water, heard of any potential Whitewater scheme around?"

Conversation with Secretary of State Madeleine Albright:  
- "Don't be mad at me Mad, but I won't intervene in Sudan to get bin Laden. That country's so fragile it could break in two."

Conversation with Chief of Staff John Podesta:
- "What do you mean Hillary didn't like that intern? I checked her credentials and they look terrific: she not only worked for our D-Fla guy, but also wears D-Cup."

Conversation with President George Herbert Walker Bush:
- "Yes, I'll consider your request to pardon your son... but frankly, who cares if he drove under influence as a youngster? Dubya's already way out of his league as Governor of Texas, and it's not as if he were running for something really big, uh?"

Conversation with Vice President Al Gore:
- "No, Al, that's not what you think. I was not making a pass at Tipper, and we're not communicating through codes - don't tell me you also invented the telegraph."
 
Conversation with President Boris Yeltsin: 
- "No, Boris, I don't hate you - but you must understand that I can't join you for that vodka party in your dacha right now."

Conversation with First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton:
- "You don't have to worry about Rudi Giuliani anymore. And same thing about Chappaqua: Lawrence Summers and Alan Greenspan got me the best mortgage offer - they told me it was like Al's internet, a sure bet."

Conversation with Prime Minister Ehud Barak: 
- "What are you doing this July, Ehud? Fancy spending some time with friends in Camp David...? Who will come? Uh... some friends, you know, around a good barbecue - kosher, of course. Please bring your knife for the cake."

Conversation with President Yasser Arafat:
- "What are you doing this July, Yasser? Fancy some time with friends in Camp David...? Who will come? Uh... some friends, you know, around a good barbecue - halal, of course. Please bring your own territory."

Conversation with First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton:
- "No, that's not what you think. She was talking about my saxophone. I just told her to play our favorite song, you know? Fleetwood Mac's 'Don't Stop'..."

Conversation with McDonalds at 750 17th St NW:
- "Uh... three Extra Value Meals, please: one Double Quarter Pounder, and two Big Macs. With Coke, yes. Oooops wait a sec' - I almost forgot the girls: Hillary, Chelsea, what will that be for you?"


blogules 2014
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!! and Twitter (@stephanemot, @blogules)

Follow Us

Still The Worst President Ever

Ten years ago, George W. Bush would launch the invasion of Iraq, his most successful decision as the Fundamentalist in Chief (see "Universal Declaration of Independence from Fundamentalism").

How is he doing nowadays? W. just visited Seoul for a couple of hours, the time to bring good luck to some important real estate project (and a nice check to his fat wallet). Exactly the kind of peacekeepers and bubblemakers the peninsula needs right now: following more Beijing-condoned sanctions from the UNSC, Pyongyang all but declared a nuclear war to the US.

But who knows, Bush The Second may be palling around with Kim The Third: his unofficial envoy* Dong Moon JOO attended KIM Jong-il's funerals. Note that "Douglas" JOO reunited with the Washington Times ahead of the trip, but never left the Unification Church, the cult founded by the late MOON Sun-myung, a very good friend of daddy George H. W. Bush.

Ever the masochist, I decided to check Dubya's official website, or rather that of the George W. Bush Presidential Center. It had been a long time since my last visit.

No mention of the lucrative trip, of course, but I found this gem on the homepage: Dubya riding a bike with friends (including a US flag bearer - you always need one of those when you climb high mountains), with this caption: "The Bush Center's Most Memorable Moments of 2012".

I couldn't resist and added a speech ballon: "Uh... say again: Lance said WHAT?"



blogules 2013
Since 2003, nonsensical posts about noncritical issues in nonenglish (get your blogules transfusion in French)
NEW: join blogules on Facebook!!! and Twitter (@stephanemot, @blogules)

* according to The Daily Beast ("The Bush Administration’s Secret Link to North Korea" - 20120207)

Delusion Points - an interview with George W. Bush

From blogule's Agence Fausse Presse, this exclusive interview of former President George Walker Bush covers the most controversial parts of his memoirs ("Derision Points" - 2010 Drown Publishers, 7 pages, $75.6):

Katrina, paint it black:

blogules: "You say Katrina represents an all-time low for you. Can it possibly be lower than your forged war, you near-death pretzel experience, or those shoes thrown at you during the last throes of your insurgency against US democracy ?"

GWB: "Some people said I was a racist and that's simply not true. A dangerous, hardcore, fundamentalist lunatic maybe, but a racist...? that's not fair. Even my dog Barney is black."

Chairman of the Waterboard:

blogules: "You write that allowing waterboarding was the right thing to do since your personal team of torture promoters considered it legal. Have you ever tried it ?"

Dubya: "Of course I did : when I was younger I tried almost everything, remember ? Actually, that's the way I managed to quit drinking. And that's the moment when I learned that Dick Cheney was a guy I could rely on."

blogules: "He waterboarded you himself ?"

W: "Dick loves board games."

DUI with Barbara:

blogules: "In your book, you mention a disturbing episode with your mother, when you drove her to the hospital after her miscarriage".

Georgie: "Oh, that...? That's how I recall it now but as you know, I was not always myself back then. Still now I've got flashes with different versions playing in my head. In one of them, Mom carries a pink baby elephant in a jar, and it looks and smells like gimchi. Maybe a gift from Reverend Moon, a friend of Dad's, who knows ?"

blogules: "But you said it was a trauma for you back then."

W: "Yep. I was quite disapointed by her. When she first mentioned a miscarriage, I understood she won a beauty pageant at the local GM dealership."

No WMD, no regrets:

blogules: "You dared say you were disapointed not to have found any Weapon of Mass Destruction in Iraq, but your invasion was the right decision anyway ?"

Fundamentalist in Chief: "The extreme right decision, to be more accurate. Come on... You're perfectly aware that our case for Iraq was completely forged, and our intel cooked to the bone. We invaded Iraq to give a boost to Muslim and Christian fundamentalism, and we succeeded beyond our wildest dreams."

blogules: "In a nut/bombshell: Mission accomplished ?"

Bush Jr: "Not yet: according to our plan, there must be a final war between Israel and Iran, then Jesus comes back, and ultimately the Texas Rangers win the World Series."

blogules: "I guess I can wait to read the next volume of your memoirs."


blogules 2010

Rove v. Pelosi v. Rove v. America

In his latest biweekly piece of revisionism*, Karl Rove pointed his bloody finger at Nancy Pelosi : YOU supported waterboarding and EIT ("Enhanced Interrogation Techniques"). YOU supported what you liberals call 'torture'.

First thing, Karl : whatever Pelosi did or said, waterboarding IS torture. Not 'torture'. And certainly not your edulcorated "EIT".

Second : many Americans (including some Democrats) supported the Patriot Act, the invasion of Iraq, and even voted for George W. Bush in 2004.

Which doesn't mean they were in favor of torture, Abu Ghraib, or that dangerous fundamentalist who wrecked world peace and for whom you used to work for as "The Architect" (or more intimately as "Turd Blossom").

This only shows how powerful was your system of bold lies, wild propaganda, and indecent Weapons of Mass Disinformation. Pelosi was lied to and misled, like all Americans.

But I'm actually glad you raise this issue, Karl.

We are not only about to expose what that infamous administration of yours did, but also the propaganda machine that made it easier to swallow by a people who was supposed to live in a model democracy.

I'm having great fun listening to you giving lectures on torture Karl, but I'm also keeping my eye on the ball. And it's time for you to give some answers to Justice about those attorney firings...


* "Congress and Waterboarding" - Wall Street Journal (20090504)

USS War Censorship Sunk

Robert Gates announced the end of the ban on photographing caskets of war dead*, a ban initiated by George H. W. Bush during the 1991 Gulf War.

To me, this tells a lot about a country willing to make peace and end war, and puts an end to a shameful tradition of hiding the truth to the US audience.

Remember how US Weapons of Mass Disinformation used to make a show of "surgical strikes" and other "clean war" impostures ?

Remember how the first pictures of scores of caskets, lined up in an army aircraft on its way from Baghdad, caused a scandal not because of the reason why those unlucky people where sent to death in the first place, but because such "un-American" images could undermine the morale of a nation at war ?

Remember how W. got reelected because he had the courage to take the decision of going to war, and not kicked out of the White House because he was coward enough to dodge his own military duties decades earlier, and crazy enough to take that doomed decision on the sole basis of his own fundamentalist's hidden agenda ?

Of course, let us not be fooled by the timing of Gate's announcement : the Defense Secretary is not only speeding up the withdrawal process (now US viewers must all understand it's better to get the heck out of Iraq as scheduled), but also pointing out fundamental differences between Obama and Bush at the very moment when journalists take notice of some similarities in the way war is being waged.

The Bush-Cheney propaganda era may be over, some positive spin can't hurt.

Can it ?


* as long, of course, as each family agrees - see "Pentagon OKs media photos of war dead overturning Bush's 1991 ban" (NY Daily News 20090226)

McCain - Rice 2008

John McCain picked the one size fits all answer to Obama - Clinton : she is black and female, she enjoys youth and experience, she was in favor of the war in Iraq and fought against Rumsfeld...

So instead of 42's wife, we could have a Veep who happened to call 43 her "husband".

Too good to be true ?

Can somebody who trusts George W. Bush and whom George W. Bush trusts be one heartbeat away from the top job ? Her "Transformational Diplomacy" sounds great but includes such stances as "we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud" or "punish France, ignore Germany, and forgive Russia".

This ticket is a pure marketing gimmick. Dems definitely should end their internal battles as soon as possible, and I keep checking every day the 2008 Democratic Convention Watch website : 25 superdelegates today, down from the upper 30s during the Wright controversy - go 'bama go (that's for Obama, not Condi's native state).

GOP : Time to Split

I warned Republican voters four years ago* : if Bush wins these elections, your party loses.
The divide seems everyday more obvious now, but the main decision remains to be taken : to separate US politics from religion.

As expected**, all 2008 candidates are compelled to prove how strong their belief is, and this sick competition turns into a caricature : Romney, faithful to his Mormon religion as well as to his wife, is criticized by a womanizer (Giuliani) and two more or less outspoken promoters of Intelligent Design (Huckabee and McCain - the latter even gave conferences at the infamous Liberty University and Discovery Institute***). It sounds almost normal to most Americans but this is not a political debate - at least not in a country supposed to be a model democracy.

It is time to make things clear to the audience at the National as well as at the International levels and to officialize the creation of The Theocratic Party. All candidates would then decide : do they put democracy and the republic first, or they believe politics should be ruled by religion ?

True democrats and true republicans will chose not to mix religion with politics. Those who want America to turn into a theocracy and away from its core values must be clear about it. They can keep competing on theological issues, but never more in the name of a Republican or a Democratic Party.

* see "Red Blogule to the Bush system - Prevent a New War of Secession" (20041101)
** see "Universal Declaration of Independence From Fundamentalism" (20070809)
*** if you didn't get the scoop from my French blogules ("Bonne année 2009" - 20080102) : both are casting Bruce K. Chapman as their VP

Take me to the Moon, Daddy

George H. W. Bush will deliver a speech at the 25th anniversary party launched for The Washington Times by its owner, Reverend Sun Myung Moon.
The Washington Times is a lousy media losing a lot of money every year, but owning a newspaper in DC is more about influence than edition.
Herbie and Barbie already attended other anniversaries, of the birthday of the very sect leader, for instance. The thing is Moon is good at wedding people by batch, and 41 is good at faciliting meetings between bad and worse guys.
Moon Sun-myung for Senior and Billy Graham for Junior - the religion of money-making runs in the family blood.

White blogule to John McCain vs cruel, inhuman, or degrading Amerika

The Reps have their moral leader back on time for 2006 and 2008. Karl Rove managed to ruin his 2000 campaign but Senator John McCain once again proved how great he could be as the commander-in-chief.
His amendment specifying no "cruel, inhuman, or degrading" treatment should be performed by the US against detainees puts the Commander-in-thief in front of a dilemma : if I veto the bill (since, as McClellan put it, it "would limit the president's ability as commander-in-chief to effectively carry out the war on terrorism"), I may have to renegociate a $400bn check. If I don't veto it, I'm losing the face as a commander-in-chief.
McCain said : "The enemy we fight has no respect for human life or human rights. They don't deserve our sympathy. But this isn't about who they are. This is about who we are. These are the values that distinguish us from our enemies." How about Saddam's trial ?
Saddam Hussein's trial is only about who he is, not about who we Western democracies are : the only charge is about a massacre of villagers. Relevant, but nothing about gassing the populations (with gas manufactured in Germany or in Iraq with French & US facilities). Nothing about the ugly war against Iran (sponsored by the US and "old Europe"). Nothing about the post Gulf War I retaliation on Kurds (abandonned by Dubya's father). Nothing about the honoris causa Doctor Hussein behind the evil Mister Saddam.

Red blogule to Dubya's Believe It or Not! museum in Bakersfield, CA

After Ripley's Believe It or Not!, Dubya's visit it or bust.
A new Bush museum will open in 2007 in the house 41 & 43 inhabited for 3 months back in 1949. The owner, a Republican, intends to add a reading center for kids in the backyard. No doubt the cornerstone of 43's Prez Library... that is, unless the College Station, TX based Bush The Elder's Presidential Library decides to keep "My Pet Goat".
The royal family enjoyed sunny California as well as Yankee New England : Bakersfield, CA hosts California State University and a few country clubs. Back then, Coast-to-Coast Dubya wasn't a newborn Texan yet but the Official Propaganda already unhearthed a couple of pictures of the young John Wayne lookalike dressed in a cow boy suit.
They're supposed to refurbish the place the way it was in the late forties. I suggest to spray some petrol around to make it even more realistic.

Red blogule to the Rotten Globe Awards - Invasion of the buddy snatchers

Hard to tell which flick will win the Terror movie category among this year's Rotten Globe Awards nominees :

• "The invasion of the buddy snatchers" : a remake of Romero's masterpiece directed by Karl "The Architect" Rove, "The invasion" turns Joe Sixpack into a zombie voting machine unable to utter any word but "freedom" or "terror", contaminating friends & neighbors across the county ("you're against Him ? You're not one of us").
• "Lara Whitchcraft" : in this sick parody of America's Funniest Home Videos, GI Jane becomes a shameless torturer. X rated. Explicit material and language. A tremendous success for director Gonzales - even the boldest piracy won't deter much awaited sequels.
• "Shock & Awe" : and you thought Godzilla was the only towering menace to civilization ? The trillion dollar deficit is back, baby : angry and hungry.
• "Donald's wonderful adventure" : thanks to a powerful lobbying, Disney's creatures won't fall into the public domain anytime soon. But Rummy is very much likely to fall back into the private sector after january the 30th (ballot in Iraq ? pentagone out of track). Money, power, greed, handshakes with dictators... expect the most gruesome moments of animated movie.
• "The exorcist - reloaded" : brother Jeb is plagued with floods and hurricanes, father Herb's running out of stamina but Saint George has the power to defeat the dragon once again with a double barrel tommy gun. Mel Gibson's brilliant (err... make that "enthusiastic" instead) impersonation of "never doubting dubya" brings tears to the audience and blood all across the Middle East.

Red Blogule to Jeb Bush - The Disaster Brothers

So Mr Natural Catastrophe decided to pay a visit to the Asian shores devastated by last week's tsunamis. Unlike his brother George, a master in manmade disasters, Jeb seems more interested in the destructions caused by Mother Nature. Anyway, the Governor of Florida feels like getting some international exposure. Wonder why ?
Habemus papam folks ! Our Dear Compassionate Leader has found the next ruler for the Bush dynasty. Daddy Herb may call him "44" soon. Stephane MOT